Moment of Change

Alone in a crowded room
Detached from the goings on
Back against a wall
Staring out at everything and no one

Glass of wine in hand
Looking poised and proper
Fake little smiles are pulled up
When other guests go by

She thinks she has them fooled
Not really looking anyway
Little does she know he's watching
Seeing through her veil

Orchestra starts up
Couples moving across the floor
No one asks for her hand
Knowing she'd never say yes

The watcher knows this too
He takes away her glass
As she gives him a bored look
Leading her out to the floor

Eyes are upon the odd couple
Dancing gracefully through the crowd
She doesn't notice
Her mind finally focused

He leads her back to her place
Returning glass to hand
She looks puzzled, he smiles
"It was but a dance"

A Tragedy

You wanted the walls around my heart to crumble. Instead my heart crumbled when you left. Now you're back, expecting me to pick up the pieces. To hand my still bleeding heart back into your care.

It doesn't matter you were gone for only two days. They were a never ending eternity. Waiting and wondering. Another crack in my soul with each hour that went by. Waking up with nothing there from you.

Washing you out of my mind was harder than I expected. It's so easy to click delete but there's no delete key in my mind. You'd slip back in with ease and break me all over again.

I was so afraid you'd leave me. I thought I had prepared myself. I thought I had more time.

You left my soul screaming. Torn from the whole that was us. I watched it whither and decay in the blink of an eye. Now my soul is quiet. Watching the man who healed her. The one who left her the most wounded.

All the staircases and tunnels of my mind are gone. There's only a desolate plain. All the memories destroyed, burned until nothing was left. Only the pain and loneliness.

So where do we go from here? You want my heart, mind and soul? Pick up the pieces of my heart yourself. Have the wasteland of my mind to yourself. Take the withered remains of my soul with you.

Fix the mess you made when you left me behind.

Untitled 1

A familiar rush
a surge of fire inside
Shortness of breath
sweat pouring down my back
Trapped by a grip the will not move
chains that will not break

A prisoner more free than any bird in the sky
kept in a cage made of promises and trust
With a twinkle in his eyes
a wicked smile on his face
Waiting for him to strike
my captor who taught me how to soar

Claim me

I want to lay in your arms
as you caress every inch of me
gasp and moan at the gentlest touch
Yet it is the pain I need
I melt when you call me
Your dirty little girl
Your slut
Your cunt
Your horny bitch
for it is yours I'll always be

Pinned against you
my back pressed up against a wall
hands cuffed above me
chains pulled tight
one hand pressed against my throat
your cock brutally fucking my pussy
making me as your own

This is the place and moment I call hom
where I am at peace
and I know I am yours
That you hunger for
my submission
my screams
my tears
my orgasms
I give it all to you

So what are you waiting for?



I wrote this about a year ago, so Nov-Dec of '10. I know it wasn't about anyone in particular. These were feelings welled up in me waiting to escape. Since the physical wasn't an option, they came out onto the page.

People

You and me, together
we'll make it through this.
A battle of right and wrong
laid at our feet.
How do we right
the wrong that we did,
make things better?
Disaster and Pain
were our weapons.
Now Love and Hope
must be our shield
to fix the world we created.



I'd gather I wrote this some time during my junior year. It sounds like something I would have written then. So that would have been the fall of '05. I still remember what I intended the meaning to be for this poem. It's about love between individuals as well as a greater bond we all share as human beings. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our personal lives that we forget about the rest of the world. I would hope that some balance can be reached whereby helping the populous can help bring individuals together.

All I Want

"All I Want"


All I want is to stop crying
One day where I'm not given a reason
To pour all of my emotions on the floor
Hoping I can pick all of them up
Before someone notices

All I want is to be happy
I want to go to bed feeling cherished
Knowing that I'm worth fighting for
Wrapped up in love
Tucked into a safe place to call home

All I want is to stop crying
A life that I don't fight depression
Where I'm afraid to get into a car
Fighting thoughts to drive and never stop
To run away from all the pain

All I want is to be happy
People I can grow old with
Making memories and fulfilling dreams
Laughter filling the air
Sharing intimate moments and secret smiles

All I want is to stop crying
Make the doubts go away
Rip the veil the shadows left
Leaving me in this pit of loneliness
Struggling to breathe

All I want is to be happy
Live a life I can be proud of
To wake with a smile
Enjoy the warmth of the sun
Appreciate the small wonders

All I want is to stop crying
Hiding me away out of fear
Being a secret buried in lies
Tearing my heart apart
Leaving a trail of blood behind me

All I want is to be happy
To feel whole and complete
Drive the darkness away
Replaced with love and light
Being free of pain

All I want is to stop crying
All I want is to be happy

All I want is the chance to be me

In Love

"In Love"

Heart's pounding, can't stop smiling
every breath, the breath of new life.
What it's like to be in love
each step bringing you a foot higher.

Words are none, just a soft caress
by loving, caring hands.
Lips touch, world fades away
into nothingness.

Worries and fears
float away, dissolving.
Music playing, your love
whispering in your ear.

Love surrounds, fills you
making you one.
In love, what it's like
what it makes your feel!

Breath short, and hard
is the beating of the heart.
Looking into those eyes
getting lost.

Can't think, can't breathe
can't even see
only feeling the touch
of the one you love.

Love, that's what's going on
what you're in.
Feeling lost in a crazy world
only your love as a guide.

Then in a heart beat it stops
world returning.
Feeling normal once more
still staring into those loving eyes.

Always knowing you can return
go back to that wonderful place.
Where all you know
is being in love.

Home

In the midst of all the pain and doubt, comes a beautiful poem. This is why I stay, regardless of what the future holds. If tomorrow brings about the end of it all, while it may hurt I don't regret a second of it. I wouldn't change us for the world.

"Home"

I'm lost but it's okay
You'll find me soon enough
Bringing me home to your warmth
Or we can walk forever on this path
Each day bringing a new world to explore

I get angry, run screaming
Hiding away in a deep dark cave
Thinking you'll never find me
Not here, not ever
Then a light appears, it's you

I always think I know best
Until reality comes crashing around me
You help me pick up the pieces
Rebuilding our world with me
My anchor in a raging sea

Taking your hand, you lead us
Then I break away yet again
Making you chase me down
This cycle of cat and mouse
Will it ever end

Needing you like no other
You are the very air I breathe
I drown in self doubt
Struggling in the chaos
With a smile you save me

Broken

This is a song I just wrote. I really like how it came out. Funny enough, I was inspired by some Christian show that was playing in the background. I had been watching the Price is Right and hadn't changed the channel yet. All I heard the woman say was "this feeling I can not shake" and the song was born from there. :)

"Broken"

This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken

Why do we keep making this feel so wrong
Just one more night and in the morning it's gone
I can't play this game for much too long
It's all just a fleeting moment
A shared kiss, lingering embrace
But when the sun rises we're both alone

This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken

In the beginning it all went right
You were my knight in shining armor
Buying flowers and opening doors
But the fights and nights screaming
Can only be swept away for so many times
So I walked out the door and out your life

This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken

You're an addiction and I need a fix
I come crawling back for that sweet release
Try to tell you it's just this once
Yet I'm at your door the next night
Needing the sweetness and comfort
Before the vicious cycle starts again

This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken

When will I learn that you're bad for me
I know I'm not right for you either
The game is done, we've played it out
There are no second chances here
So just before the light breaks
I'll leave a note and disappear

This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try so hard to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
We've always been broken

A final goodbye, one last kiss
You won't see me anymore

Tease

Another new poem

"Tease"

She sits at the bar in a popular club
Dazzling smile captivating the room
Toss of her silky black hair
A cute laugh bubbling from her lips

Men line up to buy her a drink
Eager her a moment of her attention
She'll flirt with them
Make them feel lucky, special

The end of the night comes
As it always does
Leaving the bar alone
Another lonely night in her bed

I've seen her sad sighs
Thinking no one was watching
I've brought her countless drinks
Yet I don't know her name

Wanting to pull her aside, asking
"For how long will you play this game?"
Wonder how bad she's been hurt
Masking pain with attention

I went to work one night
Imagine my surprise to see
An empty stool in a crowd of people
One that never gets filled

Since that night I've never seen her
Hoping her game was over
The men moved on to a new pretty gal
But I still wonder what happened

Starting Over

This is a new poem I just wrote. I'm really not sure who I'm writing about here, if there is anyone in particular. It reminds me of my main high school boyfriend more than anyone else.




"Starting Over"

All the questions don't matter now
As love turns to heart ache
The words have been said
More times that either of us can count

I will remember the moments
Where you made me feel special
Keep close the lessons
You fought so hard to teach me

Yet I'm not bitter or angry
Knowing forever wasn't meant to be
I'll pick up the pieces of my heart
And rebuild for a better tomorrow

A Night Out

Part I:

I was visiting one of my usual hangouts on a Friday night, one of the smaller jazz clubs on a side street in the heart of the city. I usually take a seat towards the back, but I was running late so I had to grab a seat at a table in the middle of the room. The club had the usual band going and I was enjoying winding down after a long week.

I started feeling a chill on the back of my neck. I looked around the room, expecting to see a familiar face smiling back at me. Instead I saw a man sitting in the shadows towards the back in my usual seat, staring right at me. I held his gaze to see if he'd look away, but he only smiled. Startled, I quickly looked away, trying to keep my attention on the music and relaxing.

I glanced back at the man a few times throughout the night. Every time he was still looking, no. Staring. He was staring right at me, looking into the depths of my soul. I had enough and walked over to the man. "What is your problem?!"

The man smiled and took a slow drink from his glass of wine before answering. "I was admiring my newest pet."

I didn't know what to say. My brain was telling me to get the hell out of there now, but my body was frozen. He stood and pulled out the chair next to him, gesturing for me to sit. I hesitated for a minute, then sat down on the edge of the seat. The man returned to his chair. "Would you like a drink?" I could only nod. He motioned a waitress over and ordered us two glasses of wine. "My name is CP. What's your name sweetheart?"

I swallowed a few times, trying to find my voice. "My...my name is Lena. W-why did you say that I was...you called me your newest pet. Why?"

CP looked puzzled. "Because you are. Or you will be. I see inside your soul, Lena. You're a natural submissive and I want you for myself. I want to show you all the wonders of my world. Give me the weekend. If by Sunday evening I haven't convinced you, I'll drop you back off here and I'll never bother you again. What do you say?"

I thought for a few minutes. My love life had been non-existent for the past year. I had been working too hard to focus on dating. I didn't trust the man next to me, but I agreed with his assessment of me being submissive. It was a secret I had kept very hidden over the years. "How can I be sure you'll return me back here on Sunday?"

CP smiled again. I was really starting to get addicted to his smile. His eyes lit up and sparkled and made my heart melt. "Give someone a call, tell them you're going home with a guy, and if they don't hear back from you by Sunday evening 8pm, to call the cops and give them this address." He had written down his address while talking and handed it over to her.

I looked down at the piece of paper, wondering if I was really going to go through with this. I looked up at CP, and for the first time, I smiled at him. "Let's go before I change my mind. I'll call outside before we go." CP tossed down some money, chuckling realizing that I had agreed to go home with him before the glasses of wine had been brought to the table.

A quick call to my best friend, then CP and I were off in his car. It wasn't flashy, but a nice SUV that looked a few years old. He opened the door for me, and helped me get inside. The drive took about forty minutes and we pulled up the a mid-1800's farm house. Even in the dark, I could see it was kept in good shape. I couldn't wait to see more of it in the daylight.

CP pulled up the driveway and parked at the right side of the house. He opened the door for me and again helped me down. I wondered for a moment if there was a safety lock that would've kept me from getting out, but I pushed it out of my mind.

He led me up to the house, unlocked the door, flipped a light switch and showed me inside. We walked into the living room, which was filled with antique furniture and a large comfy looking couch. He led me through the dining room and into the kitchen. He poured us each a glass of water. I kept quiet while I sipped the water, taking in CP’s home. I don’t know what I was expecting, but definitely not what I found. More antiques were in the kitchen, though it looked remodeled within the last few years. It has a comfortable feel where I could imagine many a holiday meal had been cooked here and shared by family and loved ones.

CP’s focus was still on me, smiling as I looked around his home. I suddenly felt very self-conscious. He held out his hand and I placed mine on top. He squeezed gently, I think to reassure me. He led me up a flight of stairs, down the hall, and into the Master bedroom. This was a bit more of what I expected. There were large hooks in the ceiling and an open closet showed more ropes, chains, gags, masks than I could easily count, with a built in storage unit that I could assume held more evil implements. CP pointed to the floor in front of him and I assumed he wanted me to kneel. I dropped down slowly until I was on my knees looking up at him.

“Good girl. Now clasp your hands behind your head and keep your elbows out straight.” I did as he ordered, which elicited another smile. I was becoming addicted to seeing him smile. I waited patiently for him to return. I saw him place a few things on the bed, but I figured I should keep my head straight so I couldn’t make out anything specific. I would find out soon enough anyway. He came back to stand in front of me. “Crawl on your hands and knees over to the bed, strip off all your clothes, and then spread out your arms and legs as close as you can to each of the bed posts.”

I crawled over easily enough, but hesitated when it came to undressing. CP saw this and gave me a look of displeasure. That was enough to get the rest of my clothes off quickly. I hopped onto the bed and spread my body out as I had been ordered, trying not to think about how open this position made me. I was staring at the ceiling so intently, I didn’t realize CP was near me until I felt him place a pillow beneath my butt and lower back, which lifted up and exposed my pussy even more. Now I knew I had to be blushing like crazy.

If CP noticed, he didn’t say anything. He worked methodically on my body, tying each wrist and ankle with white cotton rope, securing it tight and pulling the lines tightly to the posts. My body was already in a dull ache from being strained. Once I was restrained, CP placed a blindfold over my eyes, putting me literally in the dark. I grew slightly nervous, but something inside of me made me feel safe around CP. I couldn’t imagine him ever harming me.

I felt the bed depress around my legs and I wiggled in anticipation. I got a slap on my right inner thigh. “Stay still little one.” I nodded, not knowing if he’d see it or not. I relaxed my body, trying to will it to stay still. I felt CP trace a finger along my stomach down to my now fairly wet pussy. Suddenly there was a sharp pain and I could only gasp for air as my eyes shot open. As I felt another painful pinch on my pussy lips, I let out a moan. Two more followed quickly with four on the other side. My body was in more pain than it had ever known…yet, I was hornier, wetter, and aching to be fucked hard and long.

Two more clips were added to my body, this time to each of my nipples. I screeched as CP put those on. I thought my nipples were being ripped from my body. After a few minutes, they became more of a dull ache, like the rest of my body, but I already feared the pain that would come when he went to take them off.

As I was catching my breath and trying to recover from all the sensations, CP picked up a candle and lit the wick. He waited for some wax to pool up, then splashed some right into my navel. Compared to the other pain my body had felt, this was mild. While there was an initial red hot pain, it dulled out much quicker than the clips. He trailed wax all over my stomach until it was entirely covered. He then moved up to my breasts and covered them as well. I was moaning and bucking, desperate for relief as the pain turned to pleasure.

When he moved down to my pussy, I couldn’t wait for him to just get it over with. I hope it would give me the release that I needed. But I wouldn't be so lucky. CP dripped the hot wax all along my thighs, right up to my hips, but purposefully avoiding my so tender and aching pussy. CP blew out the candle, setting it on the nightstand. He picked up another item on the bed and got down to stand near the edge of the bed. He whispered in my ear, “By the end of the night, you’ll learn that your orgasms now belong to me and you’ll get to cum when I’m good and ready.” The humiliation served to heighten my arousal.

I heard the whoosh in the air, but didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late. Not that I would’ve had a choice either way. CP had a cat o nine tails in his hand, which he was using to take the wax off my body. It wasn’t too bad, just slightly uncomfortable until he brought it down on my breasts, sending the clips flying. I bucked, screamed, and pulled at my bonds. The pain was excruciating! I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. I’m not sure how aware I was of the other clips being flicked off of my pussy. The next thing I remember CP was untying my legs from the lower posts and moving them to tie them to the upper posts, opening up my pussy in a way I didn’t think possible.

The blindfold had been removed at some point. “Ahhh, good. You’re back to being aware. I think your orgasms left you a bit stunned.” I couldn't really make coherent noises, but my puzzled face must have tipped him off. “Yes, you came hard, and multiple time. By the time I got to your pussy, you were cumming nonstop. It was beautiful, just like you.” We were both smiling. “Now I’m going to fuck you silly and make you cum until we’re both too tired and sore to move.”

He kept him promise. He was harsh, brutal, and I loved every second of it. He mauled my breasts, which sent me overboard into several orgasms. It was almost light before CP came deep inside of me. It sent me into one last orgasm. He carefully untied my legs and arms, massaging both to get the circulation going properly. I was falling asleep as he was working on untangling me. I did feel him snuggle and pull me tight, both of us falling into a wonderful, blissful sleep.

Part II

I awoke to soft kisses on my stomach. I tried to move my arms, but they were tied to the headboard above my head. CP was trailing his fingers across my stomach and thighs. I smiled down at him, surprised at the gentleness of his touch and kisses.

He paused his attentions long enough to ask, “How did you sleep little one?”

I moaned as his tongue swirled around my navel. “Mmmm, I slept well.” His kisses trailed down to my pussy while his thumb rubbed my clit. I bucked my hips, but that only made him pull away. I wiggled my hips, trying to entice him back. But he only smiled and kept his distance. Once I was still again, he returned his fingers. I came to realize that CP wanted me to stay still and just enjoy what he was giving me. It was so different from anything I had ever experienced, including last night. Even now, he had the ultimate control over me and all I could do was go along for the ride.

I moaned and cooed as his fingers entered my pussy. I couldn’t buck my hips so I squeezed my inner muscles tight onto his fingers. I heard him growl and start to fuck me slowly, his fingers exploring every inch inside of me. When his tongue touched my clit and started sucking gently, I came hard. I was panting and coming down from my high when I realized he was still playing with my soft flesh.

Normally once I had an orgasm, my partner would consider the job well done. Not CP. He was still going at me like a man starved. I felt his fingers curl inside me, stroking my g-spot. His teeth were nipping at my clit. I knew he wanted me to come again. I let go of all my reservations and gave in just as another orgasm swept through me. I moaned, arching my back as waves of bliss washed over me.

Still he continued. He lifted my hips up and pushed his tongue deep inside of my, tasting every inch of my wet flesh. His right hand, still dripping wet from my cum, found its way lower, caressing and slowly opening up my virgin asshole. I had always had an aversion to anal sex, but in this moment, I couldn’t stop him. I didn’t want to. The sensations combined with his tongue were sending me over the edge. He suddenly jumped up, his face hovering inches above mine.

He grinned wickedly, causing me to shiver. “You’re ass is still virgin, isn’t it?” I couldn’t seem to find words, so I just nodded. He chuckled, the sound coming low and deep from within him. He kissed me ferociously, letting me taste my own juices as our tongues danced. He reached over to a nightstand, pulling out a bottle from one of the drawers. It was lube. I suddenly got very nervous, realizing he was going to take my anal cherry right now if I didn’t say something….yet, I still was at a loss for words. I could only watch as CP placed a pillow beneath my hips and lathered lube onto his cock and my pink bud.

He brushed some stray hairs out of my face. He whispered, his smile tender again, “This will hurt a lot less and be much more enjoyable if you relax. When I start to push my cock in, push your anal muscles out. That’ll help stop them from tensing up.” I nodded once more. He must have seen the concern on my face, because he continued. “I want you to enjoy this as much as I do. So if it is too painful or if you just don’t like it, we’ll stop. Okay?” This time I smiled. “Okay.”

It was the first time I’d be given a choice over what was happening between us. As he lined his cock up with my ass, I wondered if I wanted the choice to stop. But then he was pushing in, and my thoughts went back to the matter at hand. I pushed back, letting him ease into me. When he was all the way inside, he stopped, letting my body adjust. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he bent to kiss me again.

“That was the hardest part. Now to have some fun.” His lips were pressed right up against mine. The vibrations of the words, sent chills down my spine and made my anal muscles contract around his cock. CP moaned and threw his head back. His seductive and slightly evil grin was back and he began to move his hips, thrusting his cock slowly in and out of me.

I could not believe how good his cock felt inside of me! It was more intense and pleasuring than anything I had felt in my pussy. I never wanted him to stop. “Please…” I looked deeply into his eyes, “More. Harder. Faster. Please.” CP growled again, and did as I wished. He fucked me hard and fast. My hips rose to meet his every thrust, sending him deeper inside of me. We were driven by passion and primal lust. When he came deep into my bowels, I let out a scream and came hard for several minutes, shaking and shivering. We stared deep into each other’s eyes, smiling in bliss. We both knew that I had reached a point of no return. I wanted more of what CP could offer and I wouldn’t be satisfied until I got it all....

On A Rooftop, Hiding In the Shadows

Staring out into this city of endless light
remembering time from long past
where the night was dark
and owned by my people.

This place is new to those here
not unlike the countries where we began.
Coming here for a new beginning
like the new life thrust upon me
in the back alley that began my own darkness.

Older than this country by hundreds of years;
this place is my new home.
A city where I can find
light amid the darkness.

I will protect this land,
and its people, as my own.

Decision

Written about April of '03. If I find the journal it was originally in, I could give an exact date. This was actually part of a three poem series. I was feeling very torn that day and this is the one that best shows how I felt. Considering I'm still here, I guess the ending question is answered.



The world is a happy place
while I am not.
My beloved is scared
and doesn't know what to do.
I want to be happy.
I want to love,
miss my beloved if I go.
Should I stay or go?
I'm not sure.

I want to be happy,
want my life to be happy,
want to live my life.
I'll miss them if I go,
they'll miss me too.
I try to think happy,
be happy,
know I'm happy.

My life stands on the
edge of a cliff.
I don't jump,
step back.
I'm safe, for now.
Can I remain this way?

Yours

Gather my secrets
Probe my weaknesses
Molding and shaping
Take the clay of my mind
Make me yours

Shrouded in darkness
Take me deeper into the night
Where the demons of your soul
Seek the corruption of mine
Bind me in layers
Tear the sanity from my mind
Keeping me helpless
Dependent on you

Gather my secrets
Probe my weaknesses
Molding and shaping
Take the clay of my mind
Make me yours

Chains that hold me
Captive to your wicked ways
Watching the life I led
Stripped from who I will become
Bittersweet abyss
Pain and pleasure
Always one more step to take
Will this nightmare never end

Gather my secrets

Probe my weaknesses

Molding and shaping

Take the clay of my mind

Make me yours

Surrendering to your will
Broken and beaten down
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes
Now born anew
Protected and cherished
Never could envision
How sweet true freedom tastes
I am yours

Endless Love

Written August 21, 2006. I was still in HS and madly in love with my boyfriend at the time. This is a sweet song I wrote about my feelings at the time. Some of this still holds true. He is someone I will love likely for the rest of my life. He loved me without reservations. It didn't matter what anyone else thought of me, or would think of him by being with me. The love we shared was unique. Even we couldn't recreate it now, too much has changed. I only regret one thing...not letting him go when my time with him was done.


Para mi amado.




"Endless Love"

I heard a voice calling me
and telling me so many truths
I heard a voice calling me
sending me straight to you

I know that love is fickle
not always kind
Yet I believe in you and me
and how we're meant to be

Because...

I heard a voice calling me
and telling me so many truths
I heard a voice calling me
sending me straight to you

When I was young
I had many heartbreaks
So many a love
yet I know you're the one

Because...

I heard a voice calling me
and telling me so many truths
I heard a voice calling me
sending me straight to you

In a world full of hatred
I know only one blinding light
It shines like a thousand stars
I know it is you

Because...

I heard a voice calling me
and telling me so many truths
I heard a voice calling me
sending me straight to you

Even though we may suffer
our love will get us through
Because no one else, no one
could love like we do

Because...

I heard a voice calling me
and telling me so many truths
I heard a voice calling me
sending me straight to you

New Beginnings

Written during my sophomore year after visiting New Zealand the summer before. I did feel very much at home in Wellington. The stranger in this poem is the taxi driver taking me to meet a very good friend of mine (B) for the first time in person.


I step off the plane
am greeted by a foreign man
in a strange, new land.

Driving in the car with him
on the left hand side of the road
I gaze upon the city that has held
my dreams for many months.

The beauty in incomparable
thought the differences strike my heart
excitement, anxiety, fear, joy
rush through my veins
yet, I feel I am home at last.

Lies

Written in the fall of '06


"Lies"

If I told you the world was round and the sky blue,
you'd believe me?
Would you believe because I told you so or
because you saw it for yourself?

What if what we see is nothing
but a lie?
What if all we've been told
is someone's belief on reality?

Can they really prove it,
or is it all lies?

Is everything we hold dear
a creation of our own imaginations,
or are we actually part of some
grand design, some great plan?

Even if we do exist,
do we truly act as we really are?
Do we show ourselves
or do we lie?

Now knowing any of these answers,
I leave you with your own.

My Heart's Thoughts

Written in the fall of '05. This is about a guy from my creative writing class. Nothing ever came from it as I started dating my main high school boyfriend so afterwards. Funny enough, they were both football players...a type of guy I had never thought I'd be interested in.


I'm watching you from across the room
silently giggling to myself
for being so shy.

What's wrong with me,
why am I beating so?

Your eyes taking me in
hopefully in the way I want.
I long to be in your arms
empty inside when I'm not near you.

But who am I kidding?
I don't even exist to you.

I am yours for the taking
and if you do please,
all I ask, is not to break me.

You

You walk like the sunlight 

on the sea,

You journey through a quiet

wilderness.

Your thoughts are among 

the wise,

though you are without 

a care.

I see your face shining

down on me,

and I smile.

You never show your fear.

You always take the

hard road.

You don't like the easy,

only the tough.

You can make a bird fly

with all your gifts.

All trust you because of

the love you show.

Hopefully we can all be

more like you.

Lost in the Woods of High Roads and Low Roads

I believe this was written in 6th grade, spring of '01. The middle school had every student from each grade write a poem that got entered into a poetry booklet. This was mine. Not one of my best of course, but it does speak to my mindset at the time.



"Lost in the Woods of High Roads and Low Roads"

I take high roads,
you take low roads.
Why?
Why are we different?
Are we special,
no we're average.
High roads lead to low roads,
low roads lead to high roads.
The middle is where we are stuck,
stuck in an everlasting space
where no one can help us.
We are lost,
forever in this dangerous place.
Is there an exit?
Yes.
It is close
but yet so far away.
We are trapped.
Lost in the high roads and
low roads, forever.

Fear Not, I Have Not Forgotten Thee!

A side note here. I haven't been feeling very creative, not as far as this blog goes. It is unfortunate, but I never promised that it wouldn't happen. I'm going to try to be more consistent when it comes to posting here, at least once a week. I do have enough material to make it through at least a full year of once a week posting so I have no excuses for not doing such this far. Hmmm, I should have a whole semester worth of poetry on this laptop. But then again, I have changed laptops twice since. It's likely buried amid who knows how many files, if I even kept them. I do however have hard copies. I'll just have to find them. In the mean time, I'll use some of my older works...


"No Freedom"

I want to be as free as a bird
Instead in a cage that I cannot break.
I hate where I am
I want to go home
To fly free with ones like me
Need my freedom to survive.
They're changing me to image themselves.
I hate what they've done, will do
But I can't break free
Too many chains hold me tight
A cage with only room to breathe.
Need to fight, must win this war
If I don't make it, I'll be gone.
No friends to save me this time
Stuck in this prison
No freedom in sight.

Heaven and Hell (Part 1)

A young woman approaches Heaven's gates. Her life had been taken from her too young and God personally awaited her arrival. She had been a pure woman, still a virgin. She was a loving daughter and a good friend. As she arrived at the gates, she stopped short, her eyes downcast.

God looked over the woman before Him. He saw her purity, but also noticed her reservations. "Child, what stops you from entering heaven? You were kind, honest, and loyal in life. Excellent traits to have. You treated all you met with respect and dignity. Your place in My realm awaits you."

She slowly raised her eyes, tears falling down her cheeks. "My God...I lusted and had such impure thoughts. I am not worthy of Your kingdom."

He carefully thought over her life. He knew about her thoughts, yet found no issue with them. They had been sexual, but not terrible. He also knew that she would never be happy until she felt she had paid her debt. So be it. "Is it your desire to be punished then? Would you have me send you to the fires of hell?" She tried to speak, but no words came out. Instead she nodded slightly. "Then it is done. You will spend twenty years of atonement in the deepest pits of hell. Then I will gladly welcome you into My arms."

She smiled softly, "Thank you my God, for You are merciful." With a wave, God sent her to her punishment. He smiled bitterly. If there was one person who should not be in hell, it was that young lady. But He was humbled by her devotion. Then He put her out of His mind.

*******

He felt it from the moment she entered his world. Such purity and light had never graced his steps. Lucifer looked up for a moment, wondering what God had planned for him now. He left his lair and shimmered to Hell's Gates. Kneeling on the ground was a woman who shined with the very light of heaven itself, and here she was praying before the deepest and darkest of hells. The underlings stopped, quiet, when they saw him approach. Many of them were staring at the girl, wondering what was going on. He stopped directly before her, making sure she was aware of his presence even when her eyes downcast.

Slowly, she raised her head to look up at the man before her. She gasped as his beauty reached her gaze. He shone like the sun, blinding her with his grace. She could only stare in amazement as she began to realize who this must be. Lucifer. The fallen angel, and such a glorious angel at that. A smile touched her lips and she sighed contentedly. She had been graced to look upon her Lord and his most wicked of angels who was light incarnate. She could ask for no greater pleasures from life, or in her case, the afterlife.

My oh my, what a lovely creature, Lucifer thought to himself. He couldn't help but grin when he saw her smile contently. Humans always saw the angel in him, but little did they know what awaited them. They imagined fire and brimstone, and for some that's what awaited them. But each got their own worse personal hell. This girl was different though. He couldn't see what punishment she deserved or even what to give her. "Girl, what's your name? And why were you sent here?"

The young woman swallowed hard. "My name is Marie. I asked God to punish me...for my impure thoughts. I was given twenty years of punishment in hell." Marie could breathe. Twice now she had admitted things that had only been in her thoughts. Now I can be punished properly. I was such a naughty girl in life.


"Marie, what a pretty name. Quite fitting for you too. So you had impure thoughts. What else?" She gave him a puzzled look, as if she didn't understand what he meant. "Wait, are you telling me you asked for punishment in Hell, all because of a few desires?" She nodded, her misery obvious. He couldn't believe it. What was he to do with her? Since the time he had fallen, God and him had an understanding. The punishment must fit the crime, but he had nothing in all of his realm that would do for this sweet young thing. A challenge. Hmm, it had been too long since he had one of those. This could be exciting. "I will need some time to think of a proper punishment for you. In the mean time, you'll come with me and tell me all about your desires and thoughts. I want to have a complete understanding of your crimes."

Blushing bright red, Marie could barely think. Surely he knew all of her desires. Couldn't he just punish her already, or was this part of her ordeal? He was holding out his hand to her, and cautiously she put one of hers in it. There was a blinding light and a nauseating jolt, which would have knocked her to her feet if not for Lucifer. As they landed, he reached out to steady her. Being so close, she could smell him, a light airy scent. Quite surprising given their surroundings. She expected him to be hideous and smell foul, but instead he still seemed the angel he had previously been. Marie was so lost in her own thoughts that it took her a minute to realize what was going on. Lucifer had buried his face in her hair, inhaling deeply. She blushed and clung even tighter, too embarrassed to interrupt him.

He was lost in her scent, which reminded him of springtime. Fresh and bright, smelling of rich earth and bright sunshine. She was clinging to him and his body reacted as it never had before. Yes, he had desires for the flesh, but not like this. This was a need and a craving. He lifted her in his arms, and quickly dismissed her gasping noise seeing she was shocked, not harmed. He walked through the antechamber into his bed quarters. A giant sized canopy bed stood prominent in the room, directly ahead of the double doored entry. He placed her down gently, reluctant to let her leave his arms. Just for a minute, he thought. Walking to a wardrobe, he grabbed a blindfold and soft leather cuffs. She was watching him like a cornered animal as he returned, backing away slowly as he joined her on the bed. "Now ma chéri, tell me about all your wicked thoughts. Every last detail, and I will know if you lie or omit anything. Should you decide to do so, you will be severely punished. Understood?"

Marie swallowed hard and nodded. "It all began six years ago, when I was 12. I borrowed some of the local library's romance novels, even though Mom told me I was too young for such things. They were all lovely, but there was one that got my stomach full of butterflies. It was about a woman who was kidnapped and slowly but surely her captor captivated her until she was completely under his spell. Oh he loved her dearly, but she had become completely devoted to him, totally his to use in any way he chose. And oh the ways he used her!" She glanced over at the cuffs and blindfold. "Those were some of what he used. A crop, cane, and whip as well. He got her to love and even need the pain from him." She blushed thinking about all the times she fantasized about being that woman.


Lucifer was laying next to her, listening attentively. Marie was curled up sitting on the bed, lost in her thoughts. She nearly jumped when he touched her arm. In a deep voice, almost a growl, he whispered, "Tell me more my little angel." Shivering with both fear and lust, she continued.


"I have always been attracted to the stereotypical bad boys. Definitely not the romantic types, at least not completely. Dare devils, risk takers. The total opposite from who I am. I'm still a virgin..." Lucifer's eyebrows raised hearing that, but Marie didn't notice it. "I've had fantasies of being kidnapped and used as a sex slave. To be forced to enjoy intense sexual pain and pleasure, for my Master. He would force himself on me, and yet as his slave, I would get off on it. It's sick and wrong. That's why I'm being punished."


She frowned as Lucifer laughed at her. "Child, you aren't in hell because you're a bad person. There are those in heaven who have not only thought the same things, but acted out on them as well. You had no reason to come here, except your own conscience. Yet, I still have to punish you and I think I know what that will be..." His grin was cruel and as Marie went to back away from him and run, he grabbed her arms and pinned her to the bed. He stared into her eyes, basking in the power he had over her. He kissed her luscious looking lips, surprisingly gently. The wolfish smile returned as he growled into her ear, "I'm going to make you live out every single dark fantasy in your mind, even the ones of which you're barely aware. Welcome to the next twenty years of the most deliciously evil pleasure."


He grabbed the wrist cuffs and blindfold with one hand as he kept Marie pinned beneath him. Quickly, he tore the clothing from her body. He could have made them instantly disappear, but this method was so much more satisfying. He could feel her shivering uncontrollably now and hear her tears falling freely from her beautiful green eyes. His tongue softly licked away her tears, which surprisingly calmed her down. He nuzzled her neck as each cuff was gently attached to her wrists. As he softly bit and sucked on her neck, he felt her body arch against his as she made cute little mewing noises. Whispering, "Trust me angel. You deserve pleasure and to have every last fantasy fulfilled. Enjoy your time here, in my bed. Immerse yourself into a blissful torture."


When their eyes met, she was no longer crying. Her eyes sparkled with lust, equally matched by his own. She gave him a weak smile, too uncertain about the unknown to truly trust him. But she realized she wanted him. She wanted to be taken by the Devil. What a wicked and wonderful thought. She sighed happily when he tossed aside the blindfold, wanting to watch the demise of her purity. He lifted her arms above her head and attached the cuffs to the headboard. Now she couldn't escape or resist him, not that she really want to right now.


He paused looking down at the helpless woman before him. Her eyes were already glazed over with pleasure, so he knew she wanted this just as much as he did. For the first time in milleniums, he was concerned about a human. He should hate her for she represented all he had walked away from. Yet, he felt drawn to her in a way he could never relate to the damned. With her, he felt like an angel again. He started to move away when with one softly uttered plea, he was lost. "Please," she whispered, her voice and eyes begging him to fulfill all her dark, twisted dreams. The devil inside him rising again, he began ravaging her body.


(to be continued...)

Rescue

Hush little girl, I'm here now and you're safe
The monsters are gone, never to return
No more eyes that lust and hate
Protected while in my arms

Let your tears fall freely
Don't be ashamed of your pain
Your stronger for it, that's what they'll tell you
All that matters is that you feel

Darkness waits to drive you to numbness
Trust me, I've been there
Even pain is better than nothing at all
Though I hope to make you smile again

Sleep my sweet, I'll watch over your dreams
Tomorrow will be a brighter day
I'll hold your hand tight, never let go
For I am a part of you

Goodbye Mom

Saying good bye as I've done a thousand time before
Can't ask you to carry this weight anymore
Your time is done, yet I hold you here
One last wisp of a memory almost forgotten completely

I'm selfish, these are my wants in my head
I tell myself such sweet lies
My life would've been better with you
We both know the truth

You were lost to me months before your death

I can't know the pain, the heartache you felt

The slow loss of life and limb

Knowing you wouldn't help your little girl grow up

I can wish for dreams that'll never be true

For a moment making the pain subside

But reality crashes back and you're still gone

And I miss you even more

Can't keep torturing myself with ill placed hope

The past is truly gone

It's finally time to let you go

Rest in peace Mom

Fallen

Inspired by my new profile picture


She fell from grace
Cast out of her home
Alone without friends and family
She removes the last ties

The pain is refreshing
As the once pure white feathers fall
Stained with blood
A rebirth to a new life

No more pleasing an unmoving Father
Her faith torn from her core
Unearthly glow leaving her skin
Now mortal, neither human or angel

Beckons

Written May 31, 2011. Based on a picture sent to me by C, and the line He sent with it. The title is His.




Light fading, darkness growing
Must trust the hand she holds
Swept up into His arms 
Feeling lips hover above her own
Blinding fire sears her soul
Breath pulled from her lungs
In that moment she is lost to Him

Further down He leads her
Far away from all she's known
Each step a promise to stay in His world
A soft glow, a promise of warmth
Awaits her long due arrival
The path almost done
The journey just beginning

Blocking her final step
Pulling her tight against Him
The sweetest smile graces her lips
Certain of her love and loyalty
He gestures to His home
A lair fit for villainy
Beckoning her into His darkness

Doubts Put to Rest

She stared out the window, excitement and tension tight in her belly. Wistfully she smiled as she recalled the last time he had visited. He had made her body hurt so good, making her cum until she couldn't think straight. He loved forcing her to keep her body still by willpower alone. While ropes and chains had their place, there was nothing more erotic to him. She preferred the physical binds of course, as they made her role easier, but He was never about the easy way. Her Master pushed her to endure one more smack, one more orgasm, one more minute. She loved him all the more for it.

Sighing, she left the window seat and curled up on the couch. She hated when he'd have to leave. It never hit her until she came down from the emotional high. By then, he was miles from her on his way back home. Of course he always called her, letting her know he was safe. The warmth would return the moment she heard his voice, but eventually she'd be on her own again. She'd often wonder if the emotional drop was worth the high, yet the moment he walked through her door, all those doubts would fade away. She knew it was irrational, but the fear grew inside of her. Would she see him again? Had she served him to his standards? She'd mentally go over all of her mistakes, and this morning was no different.

When her Master last visited, while she had been given many delicious orgasms, it was the first time he had used the whip on her. It was also the first time she used her safe word. The cutting, sharp pain of the whip took the air out of her lungs from the first lash. The second lash was worse, dragging a scream from her lips, and her only thought was the sweet relief her safe word would bring. He had been so good to her, holding and comforting her until her tears stopped and her breathing returned to normal. Then they had talked about why she had needed to use her safe word. He had been her sweet prince, never mind that He brought her to that point in the first place.

Lost in her thoughts, she was startled back to the now with a touch on her shoulder. Her face was stained with tears as she looked up to see her Master. She smiled sweetly and brushed away her tears. "Hello Master. I'm sorry I'm not in position. The time must have escaped me." He sat down next to her on the couch and pulled her onto His lap. Lifting her chin, he held her eyes with his own, his voice firm as he spoke, "Princess, tell me what's on your mind."

She squirmed under His gaze, "I was thinking about the last time you were here Master...and the whip." She looked away, shame and guilt overriding her senses. When he didn't respond, she glanced back at his face. He raised an eyebrow, and she knew that her answer wouldn't suffice. "I worry I'm not serving you as you need me to. I felt so weak when I came down from my high. You give me so much and yet I couldn't endure more than two strikes of the whip...and I worry when you leave that I'll never see you again Master. I know it's irrational, I'm your sub, your lover, your princess. But it consumes my thoughts, for being without you is like having no air to breathe."

He kissed her softly on the forehead and pulled her tight against him. "You should have told me this sooner. It's my job to look after you and I can't do that if you don't tell me something is wrong. As for the whip, you know I love to see you writhe in pain, but only if you, my dear, enjoy it too. You will never disappoint me as long as you give me all you have, which I've seen you do time and time again. You are my most precious treasure, never forget that. As for being without me, well, I was going to wait until after our fun, but this seems the perfect moment to bring it up. I know because of your job you can't move to me, however and this is only if you want, would you like it if I moved closer to you?" He watched her eyes light up, and her smile was one of pure delight.

"Oh Master! I would love that! But, why not move close by? This may seem bold, but I'd rather you move in with me," she said smiling coyly. "I know back when we began that I need my personal space, and it some ways I still do. Master, you mean more, I need you more than that. Even if you live here, we won't be together all the time anyway, but it'd be such a relief to know I'd be coming home to you every night."

This time he smiled brightly, "I'm glad you feel that way, my love. I didn't want to impose myself, though you are my sub, this is still your home. I'd be honored to share it with you. That being said, my rules and restrictions will only increase if we live together, you must know that. I will want all of you, from what clothing you wear, how often you cum, even to the food we eat. You know I'll always value your opinion, but the decisions will be mine to make. Is this something you truly crave?"

Moving her body so she straddled his hips, she pressed her lips softly against his, letting the kiss linger. She whispered, almost so quietly that he barely made out the words, "Yes Master." He grinned wickedly, relishing in his girl's need for him. "Go kneel in the middle of the room. Now." His tone of voice had completely changed and she slipped fully into her submissive state. She knelt in the middle of the room awaiting his command. He rummaged through one of his bags until he pulled out a simple, black blindfold and earplugs. He gently covered her eyes. "Stay here until I say otherwise, understand?" She nodded dutifully. Then he put in the earplugs, effectively cutting off all sound.

She felt the vibrations through the floor as he walked back to the couch. She had to have been kneeling for at least twenty minutes when she felt him walking toward and then past her. When she felt the front door slammed, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Had he just left her alone? She knew it was a test, but she didn't know what she was being tested on. All she knew was she had to trust him completely. That was the part she struggled with the most, letting go fully. The command was easy enough to obey for her body, but her mind didn't settle as easily. Her breathing began to quicken when he trailed a finger down her spine. How had he managed to get so close without her knowing? Immediately though, she had relaxed against his touch.

Another half an hour past. She hadn't felt him walk away, but she couldn't know for sure if he was still near her. Again, panic set in. She played out the same arguments in her head, how he would never leave her, yet still losing the battle. When she thought she couldn't take anymore and was about to reach for the blindfold, he stroked her hair and ran his thumb across her lips. She smiled and again calmed down. She was beginning to see the lesson he was trying to teach her. Just because she couldn't see him, didn't mean he wasn't there with her. She had told him her fears and doubts, now it was up to him to see her happy and content. She had chosen him as her Master and it was time she let him do his job.

This time, she focused on all the positive feelings he made her feel. All the peaceful, content moments of her life with him slowly drifted through her mind. She made it through an hour of silence and darkness without panicking once. He took out the ear plugs and pulled her back against his chest, supporting her. "Tell me what changed that third time." He always demanded her thoughts and emotions, didn't even bother to ask, as they both preferred it that way. She fidgeted, trying to find her emotional bearings. He waited patiently letting her gather her thoughts.

"The last time I focused on you Sir, and all the wonderful things you've made me feel. I realized that I chose you as my Master and it was time to let go. Bend to your will and surrender. You've proven time and again that you'll always be here for me, even when we're not physically together. You're my center. When I admitted and accepted that, the doubts went away. I was calm knowing that this is what you wanted of me. All of me, as you so put it earlier." She was thankful for the blindfold and for not facing him, as they made it easier for her to speak about her deepest emotions.

"So you begin to realize that your doubts had nothing to do with distance, good." She nodded, blushing. "You must let go of yourself and give it all to me. I will keep you safe and guide you. I will bear your doubts and fears just as I hold your sexuality in my control." He removed the blindfold and tilted her head back to face him. His eyes pored deep into hers as he asked, "Are you my toy, my pet, my plaything? Are you my slut, my whore, my nymph? Are you my love, my heart, my beautiful little girl?"

She shivered under his gaze. "I am your toy, your pet, your plaything. I am your slut, your whore, your nymph. I am your love, your heart, your little girl. I am all that you demand of me Master." Their lips met and he thrust his tongue into her mouth, tasting every inch inside, long ago learning all the curves and textures that awaited him. She submitted willingly to his probing tongue as she moaned. He reached down between her legs and found her soaking wet, just as she should be.

He pulled regretfully away from the kiss. She whimpered as she looked up at him, silently begging for more with a look. "Don't worry my sweet. This is just the beginning."

Redemption

"No! It can't end this way!" Raphael cried out. He slammed his fists in the sand, holding back all but one tear. He watches the liquid stain the sand beneath him, being absorbed back into the world. He had been sent down to guide a young woman, Michelle, toward her life's love. She had doubts about their future, and God had tasked him to help her find her way. He never planned on falling in love with her.

The day he first appeared to her, he came in human form. He was to befriend her and offer her advice when needed. Michelle was no ordinary woman though, being chosen by God to do great works, she saw Raphael for what he was. She told him that his wings were bathed in an ethereal presence. He still remembered how shocked he was that day.

She welcomed him into her life easily, allowing him to offer God's divine inspiration. They became close friends, and Raphael treasured every moment with her. One summer night, while lying on the grass in Michelle's back yard, she turned over to look at him. For a while she was silent, but what she said would forever be burned into his mind. "Raphael? Do you really think God means for me to marry Mike?"

He looked up at her, puzzled. "Yes of course. That's why I was sent here. Why? What's on your mind?" She was quiet and laid back down. This time Raphael turned to her. "Elle, tell me what's on your mind." She closed her eyes, sighing. He always had a way of getting her to open up to him, especially when she didn't want to.

"I have doubts. I wondered why He sent you to me, and not another angel...one I wouldn't fall in love with. He had to know. Is this a test? And if so, to what end?" He didn't know that answer. All he could do was hold her close as they lost themselves in thought.

It couldn't be God's plan though. As an angel, he was supposed to be above such thoughts and desires. Later that night, as Raphael tucked Elle into bed, she reached up, pulled him close, and kissed her. He was lost in that moment. When he awoke, he was Heaven and his Father was sitting on the edge of his bed. Raphael saw sadness in His eyes and feared for the worst. He had broken God's command. His Father thought it may come to this, but had hoped for a better end. Even angels had free will and could go against Him.

Raphael learned she wouldn't remember him or their time together. While God wouldn't completely erase her memories, it would seem as a dream and fade from her mind. He ran, far from Heaven, back to Earth, to a small beach on an uninhabited island. Needed to be alone from everyone and everything. He couldn't believe it was just last night he held Michelle in his arms and loved her body and mind. Now she was gone from him forever.

"You bastard! You knew I would love her and she would love me, yet sent me anyway. I did what You asked, trusting You. Father, how could You?" he sobbed. Looking up to the heavens, he silently pleaded that this had to be a mistake. Lucifer couldn't be right. Their Father loved them and would never hurt any of them like this. Right? Losing track of the hours, he knelt there on the sand past the setting of the sun and moon, until the sun once more approached the horizon. There he would stay until this nightmare began to make sense to him.

He didn't hear someone approach, and when the person touched the side of his face, he nearly jumped. Before him was Michelle. He had to be dreaming or delirious. Hands shaking, he reached out to touch her smiling face. When he felt the warmth of her skin, he broke down and pulled her close against him. "I don't understand. God made you forget me. How are you here?"

Elle laughed as she held him close. "My love, how could you think I would forget you so easily? When I woke up yesterday without you, I did think it was all a dream, until I remembered the day we met. I told you that your wings glowed. My room, especially the bed, had that same glow, and I knew something was wrong. I called out for you, and when you didn't come," she paused, chuckling,"I began yelling at God. I remembered it all and there was no way even He was going to take you from me. Raphael, He came to me, and know what I did? I confronted Him. I got in God's face.

He just stood there silently as I told him off. When I was done, I was crying my eyes out, my throat raw. Then He pulled me close and told me only one thing. 'I had to know for sure.' I opened my eyes to look up at Him but He was gone and I was standing on this beach, and you...you were there looking so lost and hopeless."

Raphael was at a lost for words. Did she hear right? Had his Father given His approval? He raised his head looking beyond her, and in the distance, there was his Father smiling at them. The sun breeched the horizon with a flash of light, and He was gone. Looking down at her smiling face, he was filled with peace and hope. He didn't know what his future held, and didn't care as long as he was with Michelle. They kissed passionately, and when they finally broke apart, Raphael flashed them from the beach. They were going home.

Trust Me

Inspired by a picture C sent me, and what occurred earlier this evening.


She walked toward him
Fear quickening her heart
He stood upon the edge of a cliff
The bottom hidden from view by clouds


"Trust me" he whispered to her
His hand gently grasping hers
Tears fell freely from her eyes
Avoiding what lay beyond her view


"I'm sorry my Love, I can't"
Sighing, he turned from her
Wings taking him to a brighter future
Though she was unaware


Falling to the ground
Her heart feeling torn out
Mind racing with unspoken thoughts
Abandoned on the edge of unknown


The sun and moon rose and rose again
Time slipping away into a calm state
Waiting for when he'd return
To lead her over the edge


Remembering his patience
Her thoughts grew quiet
Examining the loss of him
She found a hole in her heart


After many rising and settings
She stood at the edge, looking down
Clouds still blocked her way
Resolute was her soul


"I'm coming for you, I shall not let go"
She shouted to the heavens
Taking the final step
Falling into the darkness


Her eyes closed, she waited
The wind whipping around her body
Smiling at the freedom
Trusting he would come to her aid


With a gasp she felt arms catch her
"Trust me" she heard, relaxing
He flew them high into the clouds
Above the sea and sky


In the distance, a palace lay
Waiting for her to come home
He held her close in his arms 
Whispering the words she needed to hear


"Do not fear what you cannot control
I am your safety in the darkness
Trust me to guide you
For you are dear to me"

From a handmaiden to one of her Mistress's suitors

This was inspired by C's rendition of Shakespeare's Sonnet 18.

Gone away is summer's past

A decision laid at her feet

The charms of men soon grow tired

As summer fades to autumn

Wine and picnics in warm afternoons

Dancing away the hours of the night

Gracious words spoke from eager men

Ready to win her with a flower

Though as the weeks turned to months

The longing in her heart did grow

As the leaves began to fall

So did fade her smile

At night My Lord, I saw her weep

Counting down those wretched days

For by her Father's will

To one she'd be made a bride

On All Hallows's Eve you rode

Like a shadow in the night

Arriving with grandiosity

To place a wager in this game

Sharply you played your hand

Letting her find the path to you

So did I see her smile return and

With you, My Lord, her lot is cast

Beginning of a New Story (yet to be named)

This is the beginning to a new, and likely very, long story. The central themes around this are not new. In fact, many plot details have been mentally hashed over for several years now. However, up until now, I hadn't been able to find a start to this story that was acceptable. This has themes of romance, paranormal, and fantasy.


I will say that Christina will return, but the interactions between Nick and Bella will be the primary interest for awhile. She will be back in the story before her and Bella are reunited as I'll go into what happens from when she wakes up in that first morning until they meet again.


This is a post from my other blog, going into a bit more detail about concepts and characters who will appear later on in the story.



"What can I get you today Bella?" asked the barista, Jenny, behind the counter of Isabella White's favorite coffee shop. It was a local place, just a few blocks from her house. She'd be coming here for several years and all the employees knew her by name. Bella was a tall 5'6, seemingly taller as she was always wearing some kind of heeled shoe. Gorgeous red hair framed her heart shaped face, with stunning green eyes that glistened with unspoken knowledge. She knew how to rock her hourglass figure with every outfit she wore.

"Two large mochas to go. I'm going to Christina's after this. She just moved into her new place. I don't want her to be alone right now, especially after the breakup with Rod." Jenny gave her a sympathetic look, knowing first hand what bad breakups were like. Within a few minutes, Bella was out of the shop and off to her best friend's place. Tina and Bella had been friends since middle school, clicking from the moment they met. They had been inseparable ever since, even going to the same college. That's where Tina had met Rod, and while Bella had never liked the guy, she respected her friend enough to let her live her own life. It was a year after their graduation and the relationship had crumbled. Rod had abandoned her for another woman, leaving Tina to pick up the pieces of her life on her own.

After a quick five minute walk across town, Bella knocked on Tina's front door. "Bella!" she yelled as she hugged Isabella tight. "Oh how I'm glad to see you. There's so much to get done and I don't know where to even begin. Come on inside and I'll show you around." Christina led her into the living room, which was on the left from the entrance hall way. On the left was a staircase leading to the second floor and at the end of the hall, she was able to see part of the kitchen. The couches were already uncovered so they sat for a minute, drinking coffee and catching up. It had been two months since they really had gotten a chance to have some time together.

"Tina, it's so good to see you again. I've missed you, and I'm glad we'll be living in the same town again. I know you were thinking about buying a house, but you never said anything definite either way. This place is gorgeous by the way. I love the Victorian architecture. You really got lucky with this place."

"I know, I fell in love with this house the moment I saw it. I was thinking about buying it, but given everything that's happened, buying didn't feel right. The rent is very reasonable so I'm comfortable with the decision for now. The owners also mentioned that if I ever change my mind, they're more than willing to negotiate a sale. So I hate to put you to work right away, but there's a lot to get done and not enough time to get it all done today!" The young women laughed, having helped each other move plenty of times in the past, they both knew that they could become easily distracted for hours talking. The day went by quickly, but they managed to get most of the downstairs unpacked. The large kitchen was now stocked and the cabinets full. The dining room hadn't needed much work, beyond setting up the china cabinet, which Tina planned to do another day. Curtains were hung, rugs laid out, furniture arranged. By the end of the evening, both women were absolutely exhausted and decided to go out to one of the local restaurants for dinner and drinks.

There was a little place called D'Angelos in between both of their homes, which was known for its' burgers and home made fries. They ended up staying until the bar closed, drinking cocktails and having fun. Forgetting, even if for a little while, their responsibilities and hardships. Isabella noticed one man was watching them throughout the night, but whenever she would mention it to Tina, the man would be watching a game on one of the TVs. At one point Tina said, "You're obviously interested in the guy. Ask him to join us." When Bella shook her head, she continued, "Bella, when was the last time you got laid, hmm? I know it's been awhile. He's a good looking guy. I'm not telling you to date him, just have a bit of fun." Bella refused again, still having an uneasy feeling about the man. But by the end of the night, the man was forgotten as they stumbled back to Bella's place.

Since Tina had just moved in, Isabella offered her the guest bedroom until the rest of the house was in order. They arrived home safely and almost immediately went to the separate rooms. They called out good night and then the house was quiet and dark. Across the street, under the glow of a street light, stood the man from the bar. He was smoking a cigarette, watching the house before him. He was known to most as Steel, though his real name was Nicholas, or Nick, Hall. At 6'4, his height was imposing on its own, and mixed with his toned physique, the average person tended to avoid him. There was something about his aura that made even the toughest biker second guess starting a fight with him. He had dark brown hair and hazel eyes that liked to change colors depending on his mood. Currently, he was wearing black slacks and dress shirt, but his outfits depended on the job and the location.

Nicholas wondered if he should make his move tonight. Given the amount of alcohol she had consumed, her resistance would be weakened. Unfortunately, he hadn't planned on her friend going home with her. He knew her name was Isabella White, that she had grown up in this same small town, she left for college at 17, and returned right after graduation. He didn't know much about Christina Miller, other than she was Isabella's best friend. She wasn't his target though, so it didn't matter much. He decided to take a chance and execute his plan. He went around to an alley out behind the house, and walked up to the back door. He checked the lock and found it unbarred. He was going to have a word with Isabella after tonight. There were plenty of bad people out there who would easily pounce on an opportunity like this. He chose to ignore the irony of this thoughts and focus on finding his way upstairs in the dark.

Nick had excellent night vision and easily found his way to the master bedroom. The door was open and for a moment he just watched her sleep. He couldn't believe that so much was riding on this one young woman, and she didn't have a clue. Confident that she was fast asleep, he moved to the side of her bed. She was sleeping on her left hand side, facing him. He touched her right shoulder and whispered, "Eo, tractus, vicis. Obduco per inritus. Trans rectus quod ager. Vicis, tractus, eo." The room began to shift focus, as colors blended, and changed. Nicholas was thankful Isabella was fast asleep as the travel by magic was disconcerting, even for a seasoned veteran like himself. It felt like they were being blown through a tunnel, lights and colors whizzing by so quickly that they appeared as long streaks. Nick felt intense pressure along his whole body, not entirely painful, but not pleasant either. When the color regained focus, they were in his house. He took a deep breath when they arrived, muttering to himself about how he hated traveling like that. He owned an ocean front home on the coast of New Hampshire. From the front, the house appeared a normal size, but he had built it into the side of the cliff, and was twenty times larger than it seemed. It was all his. Until this moment, no other living person had been inside his home, even interrogations happened at other locations. This was his sanctuary and he risked it all bringing Isabella here. But if she was to fulfill her destiny, she would need everything at his disposal.

They had been transported to his bedroom and he careful laid her underneath the covers of his bed. He brushed the stray hairs from her face before gently kissing her forehead. Then he took a seat in one of the lounge chairs in the room and waited. Come morning, both of their lives would change forever. He had so much to teach her, and not nearly enough time to do it. Throughout the night he pondered how she would accept her new life. Would she resist, or deep down would she feel the same draw to it that he had so many years ago? He wondered how she was going to react when he found out he kidnapped her in the middle of the night, and what she would do when she found out his age. Magic had given him many more years than a natural life had to offer, yet he looked no older than thirty five. He was just beginning to get into the best part of his life, having devoted centuries to studying and practicing his arts.

She was a prophesied warrior, a savior of sorts. Yet the final battle was near, too close for Nick's comfort. He still had doubts, even knowing her potential, that the woman barely more than a girl could save them all. He had discovered her prophecy is several ancient texts, many older than known civilization. They all spoke of a female priestess/warrior/mage, the terminology changed yet the message was the same. The world would need this woman in order to be spared a second coming of demonic control, and if he was lucky, he'd have a few years to teach her all she needed to know. Knowledge that should take centuries to learn. Unless a miracle occurred, he didn't see how it was possible.

He kept an eye on her throughout the night while he went through his daily habit of casting basic spells. He checked the wards and found them all secure. He checked Isabella's overall health, and saw nothing that concerned him, though he saw she needed to get in better shape. While she wasn't overweight by any means, she needed more muscle mass, both for magic and for the upcoming fights. Around six in the morning, just as the sun was beginning to rise, he heard her stretch and looked up to see if she was waking up. Instead she smiled sweetly and curled her body up. He found himself smiling, surprised at how something so innocent and simple could still affect him. His mind struggled until she woke up, knowing he was going to destroy everything that was pure, simple, and innocent about her. It came with the territory of fighting a secret war and watching unsuspecting bystanders get caught in the crossfire.

Around nine, Isabella's eyes fluttered open and she stretched out, waking up slowly. Her body froze not recognizing where she was, and when she looked over in Nicholas's direction her eyes opened wide. She recognized him as the man from the bar the night before, the one who gave her the creeps. Panic spread in, as she watched the man stand and move towards her. He knew the moment had come, where he'd begin taking her apart and building her back up. She'd never be the same.