Drowning

Spiraling out of control
down dark tunnels of fear
getting smaller the farther I sink
until I'm pressed in at all sides

Shaking and shivering as panic sets in
"God please don't let this be happening again!"
silent screams racing through my mind
trying desperately to break free

Knowing how to escape doesn't mean I will

focus breathe move 

focus fight distract

reach there you go 

fight the fear

crawl don't stop!

Breathing in hard won freedom
looking over my shoulder

Sensing the faceless grin
biding its time waiting for me to slip
to pull me back down to that black hell
knowing one day it will win

Decision

Written about April of '03. If I find the journal it was originally in, I could give an exact date. This was actually part of a three poem series. I was feeling very torn that day and this is the one that best shows how I felt. Considering I'm still here, I guess the ending question is answered.



The world is a happy place
while I am not.
My beloved is scared
and doesn't know what to do.
I want to be happy.
I want to love,
miss my beloved if I go.
Should I stay or go?
I'm not sure.

I want to be happy,
want my life to be happy,
want to live my life.
I'll miss them if I go,
they'll miss me too.
I try to think happy,
be happy,
know I'm happy.

My life stands on the
edge of a cliff.
I don't jump,
step back.
I'm safe, for now.
Can I remain this way?

Broken Girl

In the wounds of a broken soul

lies a lonely heart

She seeps into her darkness

staring at the reflection

she once knew so well

Reflecting inward, she finds naught

but despair and loneliness

Black is the heart
which lies in her
If only someone would help
just reach out, showing love
Left in her own mind
she weeps and pines
hoping beyond all known hope

Tears stain her once rosy cheeks
the only reflection
to the soul deep inside
She whispers "To love
is for those who do not mourn"
A bitter resemblance of who she was
only her eyes show the truth