Drowning

Spiraling out of control
down dark tunnels of fear
getting smaller the farther I sink
until I'm pressed in at all sides

Shaking and shivering as panic sets in
"God please don't let this be happening again!"
silent screams racing through my mind
trying desperately to break free

Knowing how to escape doesn't mean I will

focus breathe move 

focus fight distract

reach there you go 

fight the fear

crawl don't stop!

Breathing in hard won freedom
looking over my shoulder

Sensing the faceless grin
biding its time waiting for me to slip
to pull me back down to that black hell
knowing one day it will win

All I Want

"All I Want"


All I want is to stop crying
One day where I'm not given a reason
To pour all of my emotions on the floor
Hoping I can pick all of them up
Before someone notices

All I want is to be happy
I want to go to bed feeling cherished
Knowing that I'm worth fighting for
Wrapped up in love
Tucked into a safe place to call home

All I want is to stop crying
A life that I don't fight depression
Where I'm afraid to get into a car
Fighting thoughts to drive and never stop
To run away from all the pain

All I want is to be happy
People I can grow old with
Making memories and fulfilling dreams
Laughter filling the air
Sharing intimate moments and secret smiles

All I want is to stop crying
Make the doubts go away
Rip the veil the shadows left
Leaving me in this pit of loneliness
Struggling to breathe

All I want is to be happy
Live a life I can be proud of
To wake with a smile
Enjoy the warmth of the sun
Appreciate the small wonders

All I want is to stop crying
Hiding me away out of fear
Being a secret buried in lies
Tearing my heart apart
Leaving a trail of blood behind me

All I want is to be happy
To feel whole and complete
Drive the darkness away
Replaced with love and light
Being free of pain

All I want is to stop crying
All I want is to be happy

All I want is the chance to be me

On A Rooftop, Hiding In the Shadows

Staring out into this city of endless light
remembering time from long past
where the night was dark
and owned by my people.

This place is new to those here
not unlike the countries where we began.
Coming here for a new beginning
like the new life thrust upon me
in the back alley that began my own darkness.

Older than this country by hundreds of years;
this place is my new home.
A city where I can find
light amid the darkness.

I will protect this land,
and its people, as my own.

Goodbye Mom

Saying good bye as I've done a thousand time before
Can't ask you to carry this weight anymore
Your time is done, yet I hold you here
One last wisp of a memory almost forgotten completely

I'm selfish, these are my wants in my head
I tell myself such sweet lies
My life would've been better with you
We both know the truth

You were lost to me months before your death

I can't know the pain, the heartache you felt

The slow loss of life and limb

Knowing you wouldn't help your little girl grow up

I can wish for dreams that'll never be true

For a moment making the pain subside

But reality crashes back and you're still gone

And I miss you even more

Can't keep torturing myself with ill placed hope

The past is truly gone

It's finally time to let you go

Rest in peace Mom

Beckons

Written May 31, 2011. Based on a picture sent to me by C, and the line He sent with it. The title is His.




Light fading, darkness growing
Must trust the hand she holds
Swept up into His arms 
Feeling lips hover above her own
Blinding fire sears her soul
Breath pulled from her lungs
In that moment she is lost to Him

Further down He leads her
Far away from all she's known
Each step a promise to stay in His world
A soft glow, a promise of warmth
Awaits her long due arrival
The path almost done
The journey just beginning

Blocking her final step
Pulling her tight against Him
The sweetest smile graces her lips
Certain of her love and loyalty
He gestures to His home
A lair fit for villainy
Beckoning her into His darkness

Alone

This was written some time in high school, very likely during my freshman year.


Trapped in a world of darkness
I wait for someone to find me
I'm nothing, have no one
Friends betray, Love lost
Even family won't lend a helping hand

No light, only black
No one here to save me
Wishing for only a thought or feeling
Nothing comes
Won't somebody help

Do you have to leave me here
I build my own fortress
Bricks, only black
If they find me
it's too late

Not a care in my heart
No longer existing
Soul fading
Body numbing
No more to take

Leave me here
I can't go back
I'm nothing anymore
Stuck in my darkness
Just me, alone

Light

Written Oct. 2007


How could it be
In the darkest times
There's a great light
Shining for all to see

Did we ever realize
That this could be so real
Why did it take so much darkness
To bring light to us

We stand on the road
Of greatness and possibilities
While those we've lost are left behind
Fading as time passes away

Did it have to take
So much pain and suffering
To bring us together again
Seems just yesterday you went away

Oh how I wish I knew
The right words to say
To make everything better
All I can offer is my heart

Don't let the darkness
Take you over
Lead you down a bad path
Because I'm still here with you

Forget
And you will be forgotten
Remember
And you have much to gain

So I sit here
Remembering you
And I wonder
Do you remember me

You are my dearest light
I still need you here
Come down this path with me
Together we will chase the stars