Tease

Another new poem

"Tease"

She sits at the bar in a popular club
Dazzling smile captivating the room
Toss of her silky black hair
A cute laugh bubbling from her lips

Men line up to buy her a drink
Eager her a moment of her attention
She'll flirt with them
Make them feel lucky, special

The end of the night comes
As it always does
Leaving the bar alone
Another lonely night in her bed

I've seen her sad sighs
Thinking no one was watching
I've brought her countless drinks
Yet I don't know her name

Wanting to pull her aside, asking
"For how long will you play this game?"
Wonder how bad she's been hurt
Masking pain with attention

I went to work one night
Imagine my surprise to see
An empty stool in a crowd of people
One that never gets filled

Since that night I've never seen her
Hoping her game was over
The men moved on to a new pretty gal
But I still wonder what happened

Starting Over

This is a new poem I just wrote. I'm really not sure who I'm writing about here, if there is anyone in particular. It reminds me of my main high school boyfriend more than anyone else.




"Starting Over"

All the questions don't matter now
As love turns to heart ache
The words have been said
More times that either of us can count

I will remember the moments
Where you made me feel special
Keep close the lessons
You fought so hard to teach me

Yet I'm not bitter or angry
Knowing forever wasn't meant to be
I'll pick up the pieces of my heart
And rebuild for a better tomorrow

On A Rooftop, Hiding In the Shadows

Staring out into this city of endless light
remembering time from long past
where the night was dark
and owned by my people.

This place is new to those here
not unlike the countries where we began.
Coming here for a new beginning
like the new life thrust upon me
in the back alley that began my own darkness.

Older than this country by hundreds of years;
this place is my new home.
A city where I can find
light amid the darkness.

I will protect this land,
and its people, as my own.

New Beginnings

Written during my sophomore year after visiting New Zealand the summer before. I did feel very much at home in Wellington. The stranger in this poem is the taxi driver taking me to meet a very good friend of mine (B) for the first time in person.


I step off the plane
am greeted by a foreign man
in a strange, new land.

Driving in the car with him
on the left hand side of the road
I gaze upon the city that has held
my dreams for many months.

The beauty in incomparable
thought the differences strike my heart
excitement, anxiety, fear, joy
rush through my veins
yet, I feel I am home at last.

Lies

Written in the fall of '06


"Lies"

If I told you the world was round and the sky blue,
you'd believe me?
Would you believe because I told you so or
because you saw it for yourself?

What if what we see is nothing
but a lie?
What if all we've been told
is someone's belief on reality?

Can they really prove it,
or is it all lies?

Is everything we hold dear
a creation of our own imaginations,
or are we actually part of some
grand design, some great plan?

Even if we do exist,
do we truly act as we really are?
Do we show ourselves
or do we lie?

Now knowing any of these answers,
I leave you with your own.

My Heart's Thoughts

Written in the fall of '05. This is about a guy from my creative writing class. Nothing ever came from it as I started dating my main high school boyfriend so afterwards. Funny enough, they were both football players...a type of guy I had never thought I'd be interested in.


I'm watching you from across the room
silently giggling to myself
for being so shy.

What's wrong with me,
why am I beating so?

Your eyes taking me in
hopefully in the way I want.
I long to be in your arms
empty inside when I'm not near you.

But who am I kidding?
I don't even exist to you.

I am yours for the taking
and if you do please,
all I ask, is not to break me.

You

You walk like the sunlight 

on the sea,

You journey through a quiet

wilderness.

Your thoughts are among 

the wise,

though you are without 

a care.

I see your face shining

down on me,

and I smile.

You never show your fear.

You always take the

hard road.

You don't like the easy,

only the tough.

You can make a bird fly

with all your gifts.

All trust you because of

the love you show.

Hopefully we can all be

more like you.

Lost in the Woods of High Roads and Low Roads

I believe this was written in 6th grade, spring of '01. The middle school had every student from each grade write a poem that got entered into a poetry booklet. This was mine. Not one of my best of course, but it does speak to my mindset at the time.



"Lost in the Woods of High Roads and Low Roads"

I take high roads,
you take low roads.
Why?
Why are we different?
Are we special,
no we're average.
High roads lead to low roads,
low roads lead to high roads.
The middle is where we are stuck,
stuck in an everlasting space
where no one can help us.
We are lost,
forever in this dangerous place.
Is there an exit?
Yes.
It is close
but yet so far away.
We are trapped.
Lost in the high roads and
low roads, forever.

Fear Not, I Have Not Forgotten Thee!

A side note here. I haven't been feeling very creative, not as far as this blog goes. It is unfortunate, but I never promised that it wouldn't happen. I'm going to try to be more consistent when it comes to posting here, at least once a week. I do have enough material to make it through at least a full year of once a week posting so I have no excuses for not doing such this far. Hmmm, I should have a whole semester worth of poetry on this laptop. But then again, I have changed laptops twice since. It's likely buried amid who knows how many files, if I even kept them. I do however have hard copies. I'll just have to find them. In the mean time, I'll use some of my older works...


"No Freedom"

I want to be as free as a bird
Instead in a cage that I cannot break.
I hate where I am
I want to go home
To fly free with ones like me
Need my freedom to survive.
They're changing me to image themselves.
I hate what they've done, will do
But I can't break free
Too many chains hold me tight
A cage with only room to breathe.
Need to fight, must win this war
If I don't make it, I'll be gone.
No friends to save me this time
Stuck in this prison
No freedom in sight.

Rescue

Hush little girl, I'm here now and you're safe
The monsters are gone, never to return
No more eyes that lust and hate
Protected while in my arms

Let your tears fall freely
Don't be ashamed of your pain
Your stronger for it, that's what they'll tell you
All that matters is that you feel

Darkness waits to drive you to numbness
Trust me, I've been there
Even pain is better than nothing at all
Though I hope to make you smile again

Sleep my sweet, I'll watch over your dreams
Tomorrow will be a brighter day
I'll hold your hand tight, never let go
For I am a part of you

Goodbye Mom

Saying good bye as I've done a thousand time before
Can't ask you to carry this weight anymore
Your time is done, yet I hold you here
One last wisp of a memory almost forgotten completely

I'm selfish, these are my wants in my head
I tell myself such sweet lies
My life would've been better with you
We both know the truth

You were lost to me months before your death

I can't know the pain, the heartache you felt

The slow loss of life and limb

Knowing you wouldn't help your little girl grow up

I can wish for dreams that'll never be true

For a moment making the pain subside

But reality crashes back and you're still gone

And I miss you even more

Can't keep torturing myself with ill placed hope

The past is truly gone

It's finally time to let you go

Rest in peace Mom

Fallen

Inspired by my new profile picture


She fell from grace
Cast out of her home
Alone without friends and family
She removes the last ties

The pain is refreshing
As the once pure white feathers fall
Stained with blood
A rebirth to a new life

No more pleasing an unmoving Father
Her faith torn from her core
Unearthly glow leaving her skin
Now mortal, neither human or angel

Beckons

Written May 31, 2011. Based on a picture sent to me by C, and the line He sent with it. The title is His.




Light fading, darkness growing
Must trust the hand she holds
Swept up into His arms 
Feeling lips hover above her own
Blinding fire sears her soul
Breath pulled from her lungs
In that moment she is lost to Him

Further down He leads her
Far away from all she's known
Each step a promise to stay in His world
A soft glow, a promise of warmth
Awaits her long due arrival
The path almost done
The journey just beginning

Blocking her final step
Pulling her tight against Him
The sweetest smile graces her lips
Certain of her love and loyalty
He gestures to His home
A lair fit for villainy
Beckoning her into His darkness

Trust Me

Inspired by a picture C sent me, and what occurred earlier this evening.


She walked toward him
Fear quickening her heart
He stood upon the edge of a cliff
The bottom hidden from view by clouds


"Trust me" he whispered to her
His hand gently grasping hers
Tears fell freely from her eyes
Avoiding what lay beyond her view


"I'm sorry my Love, I can't"
Sighing, he turned from her
Wings taking him to a brighter future
Though she was unaware


Falling to the ground
Her heart feeling torn out
Mind racing with unspoken thoughts
Abandoned on the edge of unknown


The sun and moon rose and rose again
Time slipping away into a calm state
Waiting for when he'd return
To lead her over the edge


Remembering his patience
Her thoughts grew quiet
Examining the loss of him
She found a hole in her heart


After many rising and settings
She stood at the edge, looking down
Clouds still blocked her way
Resolute was her soul


"I'm coming for you, I shall not let go"
She shouted to the heavens
Taking the final step
Falling into the darkness


Her eyes closed, she waited
The wind whipping around her body
Smiling at the freedom
Trusting he would come to her aid


With a gasp she felt arms catch her
"Trust me" she heard, relaxing
He flew them high into the clouds
Above the sea and sky


In the distance, a palace lay
Waiting for her to come home
He held her close in his arms 
Whispering the words she needed to hear


"Do not fear what you cannot control
I am your safety in the darkness
Trust me to guide you
For you are dear to me"

From a handmaiden to one of her Mistress's suitors

This was inspired by C's rendition of Shakespeare's Sonnet 18.

Gone away is summer's past

A decision laid at her feet

The charms of men soon grow tired

As summer fades to autumn

Wine and picnics in warm afternoons

Dancing away the hours of the night

Gracious words spoke from eager men

Ready to win her with a flower

Though as the weeks turned to months

The longing in her heart did grow

As the leaves began to fall

So did fade her smile

At night My Lord, I saw her weep

Counting down those wretched days

For by her Father's will

To one she'd be made a bride

On All Hallows's Eve you rode

Like a shadow in the night

Arriving with grandiosity

To place a wager in this game

Sharply you played your hand

Letting her find the path to you

So did I see her smile return and

With you, My Lord, her lot is cast

Tears

This was written around March of '04, during my freshman year of high school. I still remember the feelings I had when I wrote it, and who I wrote it about.

I see you crying now
I never thought that could be true
You were the strongest
Still are

Now I realize my tears
Are yours too
Hating to see you like this
Knowing it's my fault

Please stop crying
My guilt only increasing
Never did I know that your tears
Weren't meant for me

I can't bare
To see you like this
I know I caused this
That you want a share of the pain

Those tears, that stare, STOP
I can't take anymore
My guilt, uncomprehending care
Those tears shouldn't be there

Shouldn't see you upset
Tears tell all
Painful stares too
I need you

Don't leave me now
Don't go, please

I can't be left
With just tears

Alone

This was written some time in high school, very likely during my freshman year.


Trapped in a world of darkness
I wait for someone to find me
I'm nothing, have no one
Friends betray, Love lost
Even family won't lend a helping hand

No light, only black
No one here to save me
Wishing for only a thought or feeling
Nothing comes
Won't somebody help

Do you have to leave me here
I build my own fortress
Bricks, only black
If they find me
it's too late

Not a care in my heart
No longer existing
Soul fading
Body numbing
No more to take

Leave me here
I can't go back
I'm nothing anymore
Stuck in my darkness
Just me, alone

Lessons We Refuse To Learn and The Lies We Tell Ourselves

All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put humpty back together again
So who are we to play god
Letting the world pillage and rape as we nod

We tell ourselves sweet fairy tales
As all that is before us turns so pale
Mocking innocence oh so pure
Fire and madness consuming our lore

Girls in red cloaks, wolves at their door
Haven't we heard this story before
Thousands of lives we've tried to learn
Still the plains continue to burn

Two children walk, a boy and girl
Through the woods they laugh and twirl
Until their lives end too short
As they say, that's all she wrote

Why tell history if it's to be forgot
What is the meaning of those in graves who rot
No point in tales and all the stories
If we continue to create the same worries

Breath Play

Written today, May 10th. First NEW poem posted.


Head spinning
Clawing for breath
Seeing a room full of fresh air
Just out of reach

Eyes are getting heavy
Clear plastic clinging
What I'd give
For just one breath

Feeling tingling, a wetness
Being pushed over the edge
Body shaking
Smile on my face

Film torn, air rushes in
Chin in His hand
Eye meeting eyes
Glowing with pride

Light

Written Oct. 2007


How could it be
In the darkest times
There's a great light
Shining for all to see

Did we ever realize
That this could be so real
Why did it take so much darkness
To bring light to us

We stand on the road
Of greatness and possibilities
While those we've lost are left behind
Fading as time passes away

Did it have to take
So much pain and suffering
To bring us together again
Seems just yesterday you went away

Oh how I wish I knew
The right words to say
To make everything better
All I can offer is my heart

Don't let the darkness
Take you over
Lead you down a bad path
Because I'm still here with you

Forget
And you will be forgotten
Remember
And you have much to gain

So I sit here
Remembering you
And I wonder
Do you remember me

You are my dearest light
I still need you here
Come down this path with me
Together we will chase the stars