This is a song I just wrote. I really like how it came out. Funny enough, I was inspired by some Christian show that was playing in the background. I had been watching the Price is Right and hadn't changed the channel yet. All I heard the woman say was "this feeling I can not shake" and the song was born from there. :)
"Broken"
This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken
Why do we keep making this feel so wrong
Just one more night and in the morning it's gone
I can't play this game for much too long
It's all just a fleeting moment
A shared kiss, lingering embrace
But when the sun rises we're both alone
This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken
In the beginning it all went right
You were my knight in shining armor
Buying flowers and opening doors
But the fights and nights screaming
Can only be swept away for so many times
So I walked out the door and out your life
This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken
You're an addiction and I need a fix
I come crawling back for that sweet release
Try to tell you it's just this once
Yet I'm at your door the next night
Needing the sweetness and comfort
Before the vicious cycle starts again
This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken
When will I learn that you're bad for me
I know I'm not right for you either
The game is done, we've played it out
There are no second chances here
So just before the light breaks
I'll leave a note and disappear
This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try so hard to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
We've always been broken
A final goodbye, one last kiss
You won't see me anymore
Showing posts with label doubts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doubts. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Lies
Written in the fall of '06
"Lies"
If I told you the world was round and the sky blue,
you'd believe me?
Would you believe because I told you so or
because you saw it for yourself?
What if what we see is nothing
but a lie?
What if all we've been told
is someone's belief on reality?
Can they really prove it,
or is it all lies?
Is everything we hold dear
a creation of our own imaginations,
or are we actually part of some
grand design, some great plan?
Even if we do exist,
do we truly act as we really are?
Do we show ourselves
or do we lie?
Now knowing any of these answers,
I leave you with your own.
"Lies"
If I told you the world was round and the sky blue,
you'd believe me?
Would you believe because I told you so or
because you saw it for yourself?
What if what we see is nothing
but a lie?
What if all we've been told
is someone's belief on reality?
Can they really prove it,
or is it all lies?
Is everything we hold dear
a creation of our own imaginations,
or are we actually part of some
grand design, some great plan?
Even if we do exist,
do we truly act as we really are?
Do we show ourselves
or do we lie?
Now knowing any of these answers,
I leave you with your own.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
My Heart's Thoughts
Written in the fall of '05. This is about a guy from my creative writing class. Nothing ever came from it as I started dating my main high school boyfriend so afterwards. Funny enough, they were both football players...a type of guy I had never thought I'd be interested in.
I'm watching you from across the room
silently giggling to myself
for being so shy.
What's wrong with me,
why am I beating so?
Your eyes taking me in
hopefully in the way I want.
I long to be in your arms
empty inside when I'm not near you.
But who am I kidding?
I don't even exist to you.
I am yours for the taking
and if you do please,
all I ask, is not to break me.
I'm watching you from across the room
silently giggling to myself
for being so shy.
What's wrong with me,
why am I beating so?
Your eyes taking me in
hopefully in the way I want.
I long to be in your arms
empty inside when I'm not near you.
But who am I kidding?
I don't even exist to you.
I am yours for the taking
and if you do please,
all I ask, is not to break me.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Doubts Put to Rest
She stared out the window, excitement and tension tight in her belly. Wistfully she smiled as she recalled the last time he had visited. He had made her body hurt so good, making her cum until she couldn't think straight. He loved forcing her to keep her body still by willpower alone. While ropes and chains had their place, there was nothing more erotic to him. She preferred the physical binds of course, as they made her role easier, but He was never about the easy way. Her Master pushed her to endure one more smack, one more orgasm, one more minute. She loved him all the more for it.
Sighing, she left the window seat and curled up on the couch. She hated when he'd have to leave. It never hit her until she came down from the emotional high. By then, he was miles from her on his way back home. Of course he always called her, letting her know he was safe. The warmth would return the moment she heard his voice, but eventually she'd be on her own again. She'd often wonder if the emotional drop was worth the high, yet the moment he walked through her door, all those doubts would fade away. She knew it was irrational, but the fear grew inside of her. Would she see him again? Had she served him to his standards? She'd mentally go over all of her mistakes, and this morning was no different.
When her Master last visited, while she had been given many delicious orgasms, it was the first time he had used the whip on her. It was also the first time she used her safe word. The cutting, sharp pain of the whip took the air out of her lungs from the first lash. The second lash was worse, dragging a scream from her lips, and her only thought was the sweet relief her safe word would bring. He had been so good to her, holding and comforting her until her tears stopped and her breathing returned to normal. Then they had talked about why she had needed to use her safe word. He had been her sweet prince, never mind that He brought her to that point in the first place.
Lost in her thoughts, she was startled back to the now with a touch on her shoulder. Her face was stained with tears as she looked up to see her Master. She smiled sweetly and brushed away her tears. "Hello Master. I'm sorry I'm not in position. The time must have escaped me." He sat down next to her on the couch and pulled her onto His lap. Lifting her chin, he held her eyes with his own, his voice firm as he spoke, "Princess, tell me what's on your mind."
She squirmed under His gaze, "I was thinking about the last time you were here Master...and the whip." She looked away, shame and guilt overriding her senses. When he didn't respond, she glanced back at his face. He raised an eyebrow, and she knew that her answer wouldn't suffice. "I worry I'm not serving you as you need me to. I felt so weak when I came down from my high. You give me so much and yet I couldn't endure more than two strikes of the whip...and I worry when you leave that I'll never see you again Master. I know it's irrational, I'm your sub, your lover, your princess. But it consumes my thoughts, for being without you is like having no air to breathe."
He kissed her softly on the forehead and pulled her tight against him. "You should have told me this sooner. It's my job to look after you and I can't do that if you don't tell me something is wrong. As for the whip, you know I love to see you writhe in pain, but only if you, my dear, enjoy it too. You will never disappoint me as long as you give me all you have, which I've seen you do time and time again. You are my most precious treasure, never forget that. As for being without me, well, I was going to wait until after our fun, but this seems the perfect moment to bring it up. I know because of your job you can't move to me, however and this is only if you want, would you like it if I moved closer to you?" He watched her eyes light up, and her smile was one of pure delight.
"Oh Master! I would love that! But, why not move close by? This may seem bold, but I'd rather you move in with me," she said smiling coyly. "I know back when we began that I need my personal space, and it some ways I still do. Master, you mean more, I need you more than that. Even if you live here, we won't be together all the time anyway, but it'd be such a relief to know I'd be coming home to you every night."
This time he smiled brightly, "I'm glad you feel that way, my love. I didn't want to impose myself, though you are my sub, this is still your home. I'd be honored to share it with you. That being said, my rules and restrictions will only increase if we live together, you must know that. I will want all of you, from what clothing you wear, how often you cum, even to the food we eat. You know I'll always value your opinion, but the decisions will be mine to make. Is this something you truly crave?"
Moving her body so she straddled his hips, she pressed her lips softly against his, letting the kiss linger. She whispered, almost so quietly that he barely made out the words, "Yes Master." He grinned wickedly, relishing in his girl's need for him. "Go kneel in the middle of the room. Now." His tone of voice had completely changed and she slipped fully into her submissive state. She knelt in the middle of the room awaiting his command. He rummaged through one of his bags until he pulled out a simple, black blindfold and earplugs. He gently covered her eyes. "Stay here until I say otherwise, understand?" She nodded dutifully. Then he put in the earplugs, effectively cutting off all sound.
She felt the vibrations through the floor as he walked back to the couch. She had to have been kneeling for at least twenty minutes when she felt him walking toward and then past her. When she felt the front door slammed, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Had he just left her alone? She knew it was a test, but she didn't know what she was being tested on. All she knew was she had to trust him completely. That was the part she struggled with the most, letting go fully. The command was easy enough to obey for her body, but her mind didn't settle as easily. Her breathing began to quicken when he trailed a finger down her spine. How had he managed to get so close without her knowing? Immediately though, she had relaxed against his touch.
Another half an hour past. She hadn't felt him walk away, but she couldn't know for sure if he was still near her. Again, panic set in. She played out the same arguments in her head, how he would never leave her, yet still losing the battle. When she thought she couldn't take anymore and was about to reach for the blindfold, he stroked her hair and ran his thumb across her lips. She smiled and again calmed down. She was beginning to see the lesson he was trying to teach her. Just because she couldn't see him, didn't mean he wasn't there with her. She had told him her fears and doubts, now it was up to him to see her happy and content. She had chosen him as her Master and it was time she let him do his job.
This time, she focused on all the positive feelings he made her feel. All the peaceful, content moments of her life with him slowly drifted through her mind. She made it through an hour of silence and darkness without panicking once. He took out the ear plugs and pulled her back against his chest, supporting her. "Tell me what changed that third time." He always demanded her thoughts and emotions, didn't even bother to ask, as they both preferred it that way. She fidgeted, trying to find her emotional bearings. He waited patiently letting her gather her thoughts.
"The last time I focused on you Sir, and all the wonderful things you've made me feel. I realized that I chose you as my Master and it was time to let go. Bend to your will and surrender. You've proven time and again that you'll always be here for me, even when we're not physically together. You're my center. When I admitted and accepted that, the doubts went away. I was calm knowing that this is what you wanted of me. All of me, as you so put it earlier." She was thankful for the blindfold and for not facing him, as they made it easier for her to speak about her deepest emotions.
"So you begin to realize that your doubts had nothing to do with distance, good." She nodded, blushing. "You must let go of yourself and give it all to me. I will keep you safe and guide you. I will bear your doubts and fears just as I hold your sexuality in my control." He removed the blindfold and tilted her head back to face him. His eyes pored deep into hers as he asked, "Are you my toy, my pet, my plaything? Are you my slut, my whore, my nymph? Are you my love, my heart, my beautiful little girl?"
She shivered under his gaze. "I am your toy, your pet, your plaything. I am your slut, your whore, your nymph. I am your love, your heart, your little girl. I am all that you demand of me Master." Their lips met and he thrust his tongue into her mouth, tasting every inch inside, long ago learning all the curves and textures that awaited him. She submitted willingly to his probing tongue as she moaned. He reached down between her legs and found her soaking wet, just as she should be.
He pulled regretfully away from the kiss. She whimpered as she looked up at him, silently begging for more with a look. "Don't worry my sweet. This is just the beginning."
Sighing, she left the window seat and curled up on the couch. She hated when he'd have to leave. It never hit her until she came down from the emotional high. By then, he was miles from her on his way back home. Of course he always called her, letting her know he was safe. The warmth would return the moment she heard his voice, but eventually she'd be on her own again. She'd often wonder if the emotional drop was worth the high, yet the moment he walked through her door, all those doubts would fade away. She knew it was irrational, but the fear grew inside of her. Would she see him again? Had she served him to his standards? She'd mentally go over all of her mistakes, and this morning was no different.
When her Master last visited, while she had been given many delicious orgasms, it was the first time he had used the whip on her. It was also the first time she used her safe word. The cutting, sharp pain of the whip took the air out of her lungs from the first lash. The second lash was worse, dragging a scream from her lips, and her only thought was the sweet relief her safe word would bring. He had been so good to her, holding and comforting her until her tears stopped and her breathing returned to normal. Then they had talked about why she had needed to use her safe word. He had been her sweet prince, never mind that He brought her to that point in the first place.
Lost in her thoughts, she was startled back to the now with a touch on her shoulder. Her face was stained with tears as she looked up to see her Master. She smiled sweetly and brushed away her tears. "Hello Master. I'm sorry I'm not in position. The time must have escaped me." He sat down next to her on the couch and pulled her onto His lap. Lifting her chin, he held her eyes with his own, his voice firm as he spoke, "Princess, tell me what's on your mind."
She squirmed under His gaze, "I was thinking about the last time you were here Master...and the whip." She looked away, shame and guilt overriding her senses. When he didn't respond, she glanced back at his face. He raised an eyebrow, and she knew that her answer wouldn't suffice. "I worry I'm not serving you as you need me to. I felt so weak when I came down from my high. You give me so much and yet I couldn't endure more than two strikes of the whip...and I worry when you leave that I'll never see you again Master. I know it's irrational, I'm your sub, your lover, your princess. But it consumes my thoughts, for being without you is like having no air to breathe."
He kissed her softly on the forehead and pulled her tight against him. "You should have told me this sooner. It's my job to look after you and I can't do that if you don't tell me something is wrong. As for the whip, you know I love to see you writhe in pain, but only if you, my dear, enjoy it too. You will never disappoint me as long as you give me all you have, which I've seen you do time and time again. You are my most precious treasure, never forget that. As for being without me, well, I was going to wait until after our fun, but this seems the perfect moment to bring it up. I know because of your job you can't move to me, however and this is only if you want, would you like it if I moved closer to you?" He watched her eyes light up, and her smile was one of pure delight.
"Oh Master! I would love that! But, why not move close by? This may seem bold, but I'd rather you move in with me," she said smiling coyly. "I know back when we began that I need my personal space, and it some ways I still do. Master, you mean more, I need you more than that. Even if you live here, we won't be together all the time anyway, but it'd be such a relief to know I'd be coming home to you every night."
This time he smiled brightly, "I'm glad you feel that way, my love. I didn't want to impose myself, though you are my sub, this is still your home. I'd be honored to share it with you. That being said, my rules and restrictions will only increase if we live together, you must know that. I will want all of you, from what clothing you wear, how often you cum, even to the food we eat. You know I'll always value your opinion, but the decisions will be mine to make. Is this something you truly crave?"
Moving her body so she straddled his hips, she pressed her lips softly against his, letting the kiss linger. She whispered, almost so quietly that he barely made out the words, "Yes Master." He grinned wickedly, relishing in his girl's need for him. "Go kneel in the middle of the room. Now." His tone of voice had completely changed and she slipped fully into her submissive state. She knelt in the middle of the room awaiting his command. He rummaged through one of his bags until he pulled out a simple, black blindfold and earplugs. He gently covered her eyes. "Stay here until I say otherwise, understand?" She nodded dutifully. Then he put in the earplugs, effectively cutting off all sound.
She felt the vibrations through the floor as he walked back to the couch. She had to have been kneeling for at least twenty minutes when she felt him walking toward and then past her. When she felt the front door slammed, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Had he just left her alone? She knew it was a test, but she didn't know what she was being tested on. All she knew was she had to trust him completely. That was the part she struggled with the most, letting go fully. The command was easy enough to obey for her body, but her mind didn't settle as easily. Her breathing began to quicken when he trailed a finger down her spine. How had he managed to get so close without her knowing? Immediately though, she had relaxed against his touch.
Another half an hour past. She hadn't felt him walk away, but she couldn't know for sure if he was still near her. Again, panic set in. She played out the same arguments in her head, how he would never leave her, yet still losing the battle. When she thought she couldn't take anymore and was about to reach for the blindfold, he stroked her hair and ran his thumb across her lips. She smiled and again calmed down. She was beginning to see the lesson he was trying to teach her. Just because she couldn't see him, didn't mean he wasn't there with her. She had told him her fears and doubts, now it was up to him to see her happy and content. She had chosen him as her Master and it was time she let him do his job.
This time, she focused on all the positive feelings he made her feel. All the peaceful, content moments of her life with him slowly drifted through her mind. She made it through an hour of silence and darkness without panicking once. He took out the ear plugs and pulled her back against his chest, supporting her. "Tell me what changed that third time." He always demanded her thoughts and emotions, didn't even bother to ask, as they both preferred it that way. She fidgeted, trying to find her emotional bearings. He waited patiently letting her gather her thoughts.
"The last time I focused on you Sir, and all the wonderful things you've made me feel. I realized that I chose you as my Master and it was time to let go. Bend to your will and surrender. You've proven time and again that you'll always be here for me, even when we're not physically together. You're my center. When I admitted and accepted that, the doubts went away. I was calm knowing that this is what you wanted of me. All of me, as you so put it earlier." She was thankful for the blindfold and for not facing him, as they made it easier for her to speak about her deepest emotions.
"So you begin to realize that your doubts had nothing to do with distance, good." She nodded, blushing. "You must let go of yourself and give it all to me. I will keep you safe and guide you. I will bear your doubts and fears just as I hold your sexuality in my control." He removed the blindfold and tilted her head back to face him. His eyes pored deep into hers as he asked, "Are you my toy, my pet, my plaything? Are you my slut, my whore, my nymph? Are you my love, my heart, my beautiful little girl?"
She shivered under his gaze. "I am your toy, your pet, your plaything. I am your slut, your whore, your nymph. I am your love, your heart, your little girl. I am all that you demand of me Master." Their lips met and he thrust his tongue into her mouth, tasting every inch inside, long ago learning all the curves and textures that awaited him. She submitted willingly to his probing tongue as she moaned. He reached down between her legs and found her soaking wet, just as she should be.
He pulled regretfully away from the kiss. She whimpered as she looked up at him, silently begging for more with a look. "Don't worry my sweet. This is just the beginning."
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