People

You and me, together
we'll make it through this.
A battle of right and wrong
laid at our feet.
How do we right
the wrong that we did,
make things better?
Disaster and Pain
were our weapons.
Now Love and Hope
must be our shield
to fix the world we created.



I'd gather I wrote this some time during my junior year. It sounds like something I would have written then. So that would have been the fall of '05. I still remember what I intended the meaning to be for this poem. It's about love between individuals as well as a greater bond we all share as human beings. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our personal lives that we forget about the rest of the world. I would hope that some balance can be reached whereby helping the populous can help bring individuals together.

All I Want

"All I Want"


All I want is to stop crying
One day where I'm not given a reason
To pour all of my emotions on the floor
Hoping I can pick all of them up
Before someone notices

All I want is to be happy
I want to go to bed feeling cherished
Knowing that I'm worth fighting for
Wrapped up in love
Tucked into a safe place to call home

All I want is to stop crying
A life that I don't fight depression
Where I'm afraid to get into a car
Fighting thoughts to drive and never stop
To run away from all the pain

All I want is to be happy
People I can grow old with
Making memories and fulfilling dreams
Laughter filling the air
Sharing intimate moments and secret smiles

All I want is to stop crying
Make the doubts go away
Rip the veil the shadows left
Leaving me in this pit of loneliness
Struggling to breathe

All I want is to be happy
Live a life I can be proud of
To wake with a smile
Enjoy the warmth of the sun
Appreciate the small wonders

All I want is to stop crying
Hiding me away out of fear
Being a secret buried in lies
Tearing my heart apart
Leaving a trail of blood behind me

All I want is to be happy
To feel whole and complete
Drive the darkness away
Replaced with love and light
Being free of pain

All I want is to stop crying
All I want is to be happy

All I want is the chance to be me

In Love

"In Love"

Heart's pounding, can't stop smiling
every breath, the breath of new life.
What it's like to be in love
each step bringing you a foot higher.

Words are none, just a soft caress
by loving, caring hands.
Lips touch, world fades away
into nothingness.

Worries and fears
float away, dissolving.
Music playing, your love
whispering in your ear.

Love surrounds, fills you
making you one.
In love, what it's like
what it makes your feel!

Breath short, and hard
is the beating of the heart.
Looking into those eyes
getting lost.

Can't think, can't breathe
can't even see
only feeling the touch
of the one you love.

Love, that's what's going on
what you're in.
Feeling lost in a crazy world
only your love as a guide.

Then in a heart beat it stops
world returning.
Feeling normal once more
still staring into those loving eyes.

Always knowing you can return
go back to that wonderful place.
Where all you know
is being in love.

Broken

This is a song I just wrote. I really like how it came out. Funny enough, I was inspired by some Christian show that was playing in the background. I had been watching the Price is Right and hadn't changed the channel yet. All I heard the woman say was "this feeling I can not shake" and the song was born from there. :)

"Broken"

This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken

Why do we keep making this feel so wrong
Just one more night and in the morning it's gone
I can't play this game for much too long
It's all just a fleeting moment
A shared kiss, lingering embrace
But when the sun rises we're both alone

This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken

In the beginning it all went right
You were my knight in shining armor
Buying flowers and opening doors
But the fights and nights screaming
Can only be swept away for so many times
So I walked out the door and out your life

This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken

You're an addiction and I need a fix
I come crawling back for that sweet release
Try to tell you it's just this once
Yet I'm at your door the next night
Needing the sweetness and comfort
Before the vicious cycle starts again

This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
Yeah it's broken

When will I learn that you're bad for me
I know I'm not right for you either
The game is done, we've played it out
There are no second chances here
So just before the light breaks
I'll leave a note and disappear

This feeling I can not shake
These thoughts I try so hard to hide
But it's broken
(it's broken)
We've always been broken

A final goodbye, one last kiss
You won't see me anymore

Starting Over

This is a new poem I just wrote. I'm really not sure who I'm writing about here, if there is anyone in particular. It reminds me of my main high school boyfriend more than anyone else.




"Starting Over"

All the questions don't matter now
As love turns to heart ache
The words have been said
More times that either of us can count

I will remember the moments
Where you made me feel special
Keep close the lessons
You fought so hard to teach me

Yet I'm not bitter or angry
Knowing forever wasn't meant to be
I'll pick up the pieces of my heart
And rebuild for a better tomorrow

Endless Love

Written August 21, 2006. I was still in HS and madly in love with my boyfriend at the time. This is a sweet song I wrote about my feelings at the time. Some of this still holds true. He is someone I will love likely for the rest of my life. He loved me without reservations. It didn't matter what anyone else thought of me, or would think of him by being with me. The love we shared was unique. Even we couldn't recreate it now, too much has changed. I only regret one thing...not letting him go when my time with him was done.


Para mi amado.




"Endless Love"

I heard a voice calling me
and telling me so many truths
I heard a voice calling me
sending me straight to you

I know that love is fickle
not always kind
Yet I believe in you and me
and how we're meant to be

Because...

I heard a voice calling me
and telling me so many truths
I heard a voice calling me
sending me straight to you

When I was young
I had many heartbreaks
So many a love
yet I know you're the one

Because...

I heard a voice calling me
and telling me so many truths
I heard a voice calling me
sending me straight to you

In a world full of hatred
I know only one blinding light
It shines like a thousand stars
I know it is you

Because...

I heard a voice calling me
and telling me so many truths
I heard a voice calling me
sending me straight to you

Even though we may suffer
our love will get us through
Because no one else, no one
could love like we do

Because...

I heard a voice calling me
and telling me so many truths
I heard a voice calling me
sending me straight to you

My Heart's Thoughts

Written in the fall of '05. This is about a guy from my creative writing class. Nothing ever came from it as I started dating my main high school boyfriend so afterwards. Funny enough, they were both football players...a type of guy I had never thought I'd be interested in.


I'm watching you from across the room
silently giggling to myself
for being so shy.

What's wrong with me,
why am I beating so?

Your eyes taking me in
hopefully in the way I want.
I long to be in your arms
empty inside when I'm not near you.

But who am I kidding?
I don't even exist to you.

I am yours for the taking
and if you do please,
all I ask, is not to break me.

You

You walk like the sunlight 

on the sea,

You journey through a quiet

wilderness.

Your thoughts are among 

the wise,

though you are without 

a care.

I see your face shining

down on me,

and I smile.

You never show your fear.

You always take the

hard road.

You don't like the easy,

only the tough.

You can make a bird fly

with all your gifts.

All trust you because of

the love you show.

Hopefully we can all be

more like you.

Beckons

Written May 31, 2011. Based on a picture sent to me by C, and the line He sent with it. The title is His.




Light fading, darkness growing
Must trust the hand she holds
Swept up into His arms 
Feeling lips hover above her own
Blinding fire sears her soul
Breath pulled from her lungs
In that moment she is lost to Him

Further down He leads her
Far away from all she's known
Each step a promise to stay in His world
A soft glow, a promise of warmth
Awaits her long due arrival
The path almost done
The journey just beginning

Blocking her final step
Pulling her tight against Him
The sweetest smile graces her lips
Certain of her love and loyalty
He gestures to His home
A lair fit for villainy
Beckoning her into His darkness

Doubts Put to Rest

She stared out the window, excitement and tension tight in her belly. Wistfully she smiled as she recalled the last time he had visited. He had made her body hurt so good, making her cum until she couldn't think straight. He loved forcing her to keep her body still by willpower alone. While ropes and chains had their place, there was nothing more erotic to him. She preferred the physical binds of course, as they made her role easier, but He was never about the easy way. Her Master pushed her to endure one more smack, one more orgasm, one more minute. She loved him all the more for it.

Sighing, she left the window seat and curled up on the couch. She hated when he'd have to leave. It never hit her until she came down from the emotional high. By then, he was miles from her on his way back home. Of course he always called her, letting her know he was safe. The warmth would return the moment she heard his voice, but eventually she'd be on her own again. She'd often wonder if the emotional drop was worth the high, yet the moment he walked through her door, all those doubts would fade away. She knew it was irrational, but the fear grew inside of her. Would she see him again? Had she served him to his standards? She'd mentally go over all of her mistakes, and this morning was no different.

When her Master last visited, while she had been given many delicious orgasms, it was the first time he had used the whip on her. It was also the first time she used her safe word. The cutting, sharp pain of the whip took the air out of her lungs from the first lash. The second lash was worse, dragging a scream from her lips, and her only thought was the sweet relief her safe word would bring. He had been so good to her, holding and comforting her until her tears stopped and her breathing returned to normal. Then they had talked about why she had needed to use her safe word. He had been her sweet prince, never mind that He brought her to that point in the first place.

Lost in her thoughts, she was startled back to the now with a touch on her shoulder. Her face was stained with tears as she looked up to see her Master. She smiled sweetly and brushed away her tears. "Hello Master. I'm sorry I'm not in position. The time must have escaped me." He sat down next to her on the couch and pulled her onto His lap. Lifting her chin, he held her eyes with his own, his voice firm as he spoke, "Princess, tell me what's on your mind."

She squirmed under His gaze, "I was thinking about the last time you were here Master...and the whip." She looked away, shame and guilt overriding her senses. When he didn't respond, she glanced back at his face. He raised an eyebrow, and she knew that her answer wouldn't suffice. "I worry I'm not serving you as you need me to. I felt so weak when I came down from my high. You give me so much and yet I couldn't endure more than two strikes of the whip...and I worry when you leave that I'll never see you again Master. I know it's irrational, I'm your sub, your lover, your princess. But it consumes my thoughts, for being without you is like having no air to breathe."

He kissed her softly on the forehead and pulled her tight against him. "You should have told me this sooner. It's my job to look after you and I can't do that if you don't tell me something is wrong. As for the whip, you know I love to see you writhe in pain, but only if you, my dear, enjoy it too. You will never disappoint me as long as you give me all you have, which I've seen you do time and time again. You are my most precious treasure, never forget that. As for being without me, well, I was going to wait until after our fun, but this seems the perfect moment to bring it up. I know because of your job you can't move to me, however and this is only if you want, would you like it if I moved closer to you?" He watched her eyes light up, and her smile was one of pure delight.

"Oh Master! I would love that! But, why not move close by? This may seem bold, but I'd rather you move in with me," she said smiling coyly. "I know back when we began that I need my personal space, and it some ways I still do. Master, you mean more, I need you more than that. Even if you live here, we won't be together all the time anyway, but it'd be such a relief to know I'd be coming home to you every night."

This time he smiled brightly, "I'm glad you feel that way, my love. I didn't want to impose myself, though you are my sub, this is still your home. I'd be honored to share it with you. That being said, my rules and restrictions will only increase if we live together, you must know that. I will want all of you, from what clothing you wear, how often you cum, even to the food we eat. You know I'll always value your opinion, but the decisions will be mine to make. Is this something you truly crave?"

Moving her body so she straddled his hips, she pressed her lips softly against his, letting the kiss linger. She whispered, almost so quietly that he barely made out the words, "Yes Master." He grinned wickedly, relishing in his girl's need for him. "Go kneel in the middle of the room. Now." His tone of voice had completely changed and she slipped fully into her submissive state. She knelt in the middle of the room awaiting his command. He rummaged through one of his bags until he pulled out a simple, black blindfold and earplugs. He gently covered her eyes. "Stay here until I say otherwise, understand?" She nodded dutifully. Then he put in the earplugs, effectively cutting off all sound.

She felt the vibrations through the floor as he walked back to the couch. She had to have been kneeling for at least twenty minutes when she felt him walking toward and then past her. When she felt the front door slammed, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Had he just left her alone? She knew it was a test, but she didn't know what she was being tested on. All she knew was she had to trust him completely. That was the part she struggled with the most, letting go fully. The command was easy enough to obey for her body, but her mind didn't settle as easily. Her breathing began to quicken when he trailed a finger down her spine. How had he managed to get so close without her knowing? Immediately though, she had relaxed against his touch.

Another half an hour past. She hadn't felt him walk away, but she couldn't know for sure if he was still near her. Again, panic set in. She played out the same arguments in her head, how he would never leave her, yet still losing the battle. When she thought she couldn't take anymore and was about to reach for the blindfold, he stroked her hair and ran his thumb across her lips. She smiled and again calmed down. She was beginning to see the lesson he was trying to teach her. Just because she couldn't see him, didn't mean he wasn't there with her. She had told him her fears and doubts, now it was up to him to see her happy and content. She had chosen him as her Master and it was time she let him do his job.

This time, she focused on all the positive feelings he made her feel. All the peaceful, content moments of her life with him slowly drifted through her mind. She made it through an hour of silence and darkness without panicking once. He took out the ear plugs and pulled her back against his chest, supporting her. "Tell me what changed that third time." He always demanded her thoughts and emotions, didn't even bother to ask, as they both preferred it that way. She fidgeted, trying to find her emotional bearings. He waited patiently letting her gather her thoughts.

"The last time I focused on you Sir, and all the wonderful things you've made me feel. I realized that I chose you as my Master and it was time to let go. Bend to your will and surrender. You've proven time and again that you'll always be here for me, even when we're not physically together. You're my center. When I admitted and accepted that, the doubts went away. I was calm knowing that this is what you wanted of me. All of me, as you so put it earlier." She was thankful for the blindfold and for not facing him, as they made it easier for her to speak about her deepest emotions.

"So you begin to realize that your doubts had nothing to do with distance, good." She nodded, blushing. "You must let go of yourself and give it all to me. I will keep you safe and guide you. I will bear your doubts and fears just as I hold your sexuality in my control." He removed the blindfold and tilted her head back to face him. His eyes pored deep into hers as he asked, "Are you my toy, my pet, my plaything? Are you my slut, my whore, my nymph? Are you my love, my heart, my beautiful little girl?"

She shivered under his gaze. "I am your toy, your pet, your plaything. I am your slut, your whore, your nymph. I am your love, your heart, your little girl. I am all that you demand of me Master." Their lips met and he thrust his tongue into her mouth, tasting every inch inside, long ago learning all the curves and textures that awaited him. She submitted willingly to his probing tongue as she moaned. He reached down between her legs and found her soaking wet, just as she should be.

He pulled regretfully away from the kiss. She whimpered as she looked up at him, silently begging for more with a look. "Don't worry my sweet. This is just the beginning."

Redemption

"No! It can't end this way!" Raphael cried out. He slammed his fists in the sand, holding back all but one tear. He watches the liquid stain the sand beneath him, being absorbed back into the world. He had been sent down to guide a young woman, Michelle, toward her life's love. She had doubts about their future, and God had tasked him to help her find her way. He never planned on falling in love with her.

The day he first appeared to her, he came in human form. He was to befriend her and offer her advice when needed. Michelle was no ordinary woman though, being chosen by God to do great works, she saw Raphael for what he was. She told him that his wings were bathed in an ethereal presence. He still remembered how shocked he was that day.

She welcomed him into her life easily, allowing him to offer God's divine inspiration. They became close friends, and Raphael treasured every moment with her. One summer night, while lying on the grass in Michelle's back yard, she turned over to look at him. For a while she was silent, but what she said would forever be burned into his mind. "Raphael? Do you really think God means for me to marry Mike?"

He looked up at her, puzzled. "Yes of course. That's why I was sent here. Why? What's on your mind?" She was quiet and laid back down. This time Raphael turned to her. "Elle, tell me what's on your mind." She closed her eyes, sighing. He always had a way of getting her to open up to him, especially when she didn't want to.

"I have doubts. I wondered why He sent you to me, and not another angel...one I wouldn't fall in love with. He had to know. Is this a test? And if so, to what end?" He didn't know that answer. All he could do was hold her close as they lost themselves in thought.

It couldn't be God's plan though. As an angel, he was supposed to be above such thoughts and desires. Later that night, as Raphael tucked Elle into bed, she reached up, pulled him close, and kissed her. He was lost in that moment. When he awoke, he was Heaven and his Father was sitting on the edge of his bed. Raphael saw sadness in His eyes and feared for the worst. He had broken God's command. His Father thought it may come to this, but had hoped for a better end. Even angels had free will and could go against Him.

Raphael learned she wouldn't remember him or their time together. While God wouldn't completely erase her memories, it would seem as a dream and fade from her mind. He ran, far from Heaven, back to Earth, to a small beach on an uninhabited island. Needed to be alone from everyone and everything. He couldn't believe it was just last night he held Michelle in his arms and loved her body and mind. Now she was gone from him forever.

"You bastard! You knew I would love her and she would love me, yet sent me anyway. I did what You asked, trusting You. Father, how could You?" he sobbed. Looking up to the heavens, he silently pleaded that this had to be a mistake. Lucifer couldn't be right. Their Father loved them and would never hurt any of them like this. Right? Losing track of the hours, he knelt there on the sand past the setting of the sun and moon, until the sun once more approached the horizon. There he would stay until this nightmare began to make sense to him.

He didn't hear someone approach, and when the person touched the side of his face, he nearly jumped. Before him was Michelle. He had to be dreaming or delirious. Hands shaking, he reached out to touch her smiling face. When he felt the warmth of her skin, he broke down and pulled her close against him. "I don't understand. God made you forget me. How are you here?"

Elle laughed as she held him close. "My love, how could you think I would forget you so easily? When I woke up yesterday without you, I did think it was all a dream, until I remembered the day we met. I told you that your wings glowed. My room, especially the bed, had that same glow, and I knew something was wrong. I called out for you, and when you didn't come," she paused, chuckling,"I began yelling at God. I remembered it all and there was no way even He was going to take you from me. Raphael, He came to me, and know what I did? I confronted Him. I got in God's face.

He just stood there silently as I told him off. When I was done, I was crying my eyes out, my throat raw. Then He pulled me close and told me only one thing. 'I had to know for sure.' I opened my eyes to look up at Him but He was gone and I was standing on this beach, and you...you were there looking so lost and hopeless."

Raphael was at a lost for words. Did she hear right? Had his Father given His approval? He raised his head looking beyond her, and in the distance, there was his Father smiling at them. The sun breeched the horizon with a flash of light, and He was gone. Looking down at her smiling face, he was filled with peace and hope. He didn't know what his future held, and didn't care as long as he was with Michelle. They kissed passionately, and when they finally broke apart, Raphael flashed them from the beach. They were going home.

Trust Me

Inspired by a picture C sent me, and what occurred earlier this evening.


She walked toward him
Fear quickening her heart
He stood upon the edge of a cliff
The bottom hidden from view by clouds


"Trust me" he whispered to her
His hand gently grasping hers
Tears fell freely from her eyes
Avoiding what lay beyond her view


"I'm sorry my Love, I can't"
Sighing, he turned from her
Wings taking him to a brighter future
Though she was unaware


Falling to the ground
Her heart feeling torn out
Mind racing with unspoken thoughts
Abandoned on the edge of unknown


The sun and moon rose and rose again
Time slipping away into a calm state
Waiting for when he'd return
To lead her over the edge


Remembering his patience
Her thoughts grew quiet
Examining the loss of him
She found a hole in her heart


After many rising and settings
She stood at the edge, looking down
Clouds still blocked her way
Resolute was her soul


"I'm coming for you, I shall not let go"
She shouted to the heavens
Taking the final step
Falling into the darkness


Her eyes closed, she waited
The wind whipping around her body
Smiling at the freedom
Trusting he would come to her aid


With a gasp she felt arms catch her
"Trust me" she heard, relaxing
He flew them high into the clouds
Above the sea and sky


In the distance, a palace lay
Waiting for her to come home
He held her close in his arms 
Whispering the words she needed to hear


"Do not fear what you cannot control
I am your safety in the darkness
Trust me to guide you
For you are dear to me"

From a handmaiden to one of her Mistress's suitors

This was inspired by C's rendition of Shakespeare's Sonnet 18.

Gone away is summer's past

A decision laid at her feet

The charms of men soon grow tired

As summer fades to autumn

Wine and picnics in warm afternoons

Dancing away the hours of the night

Gracious words spoke from eager men

Ready to win her with a flower

Though as the weeks turned to months

The longing in her heart did grow

As the leaves began to fall

So did fade her smile

At night My Lord, I saw her weep

Counting down those wretched days

For by her Father's will

To one she'd be made a bride

On All Hallows's Eve you rode

Like a shadow in the night

Arriving with grandiosity

To place a wager in this game

Sharply you played your hand

Letting her find the path to you

So did I see her smile return and

With you, My Lord, her lot is cast

A New Life

This is a short story I just wrote. It's a bit rough, but it's raw emotion. I purposefully didn't use names for any of the characters. Not entirely sure why, but it seemed to fit. Any resemblance to any living or dead person is purely coincidental....maybe ;)



His grip was tight on her wrist as he led her down the dark tunnel. Torches on the walls cast flickering shadows, causing the girl to jump at the slightest noises, fearing they were caught. She looked over her shoulder as they approached a set of stairs. No one was in sight, but she thought she heard footsteps pounding in the distance. He pushed her ahead of him up the stairs, glancing down the tunnel before following her. She had no idea how far down they were and without any exits, she darted step to step up the spiraled staircase. Clutching her dress in her hands, she kept her eyes on her feet so she wouldn't slip or fall. She felt a hand on her back and spun around to face her lover.

He pointed beyond her, and she saw they had made it to a door. She stepped out of the way, and he went up to the door, ear pressed to the key hole listening. After a minute of no sound, he cautiously opened the door. Seeing no one in their view, they quickly walked down the carpeted hall, her small hand enfolded in his. They made it to the stables without seeing a soul. A carriage with two horses was waiting for them, along with her lover's good friend, a stable hand for the Duke. The man sighed in relief upon seeing them, and quickly ushered the girl inside the carriage. Her lover climbed up front to take hold of the reigns. She heard the two men speak, but couldn't make out the words. Then with a crack of the reigns, they were gone, heading far away from her prison.

Alone with her thoughts, she wondered if she was trading one prison for another. While she loved him, she barely knew anything about her lover. From the pieces of his past that she had managed to gather, he was a wealthy business man, one of London's finest bankers. She also was from London, but was whisked away to the countryside before her tenth birthday. Five years later, the Duke came for her, and after a long ride north, she found herself in her new home. She had spent three years in that hell, a voiceless victim to a well connected, wealthy, yet evil man. The horrors she endured in those dungeons scarred her mind, and after a year, she no longer fought the Duke. By all appearances, she seemed to be a loving and devoted wife. Inside, she was withering away. That was until she met her lover, a man who swept her off her feet from the moment they met. He was just as old as the Duke, yet his age did not bother her like it had with her husband. He was a breath of fresh air in her closed off world.

He was respectful and courteous to all when he came to visit the Duke. That's how he became good friends with the stable hand, and how he found out about the beautiful's girl horrible world. She had her own bed chambers, far from her husband's. One night she awoke to find the wealthy banker sitting on the edge of her bed. She panicked, but he soothed her fears, he only wanted to ask her questions. At first, she resisted and gave him general assurances that her life was wonderful. He was persistent though and coaxed her to tell him the entire truth. When she began crying, he held her close and stroked her hair. He promised he would do everything in his power to take her away and keep her safe.

It was six months from that point, and she was starting to wonder if it would be possible. Her worst fears came to be when the Duke took her down to the dungeons. Except he asked no questions of her, he only wanted to unleash his cruel and sadistic nature on her vulnerable body. That is where her lover found her, breaking her chains both physical and mental. She wondered if the footsteps she heard were real or if it was her blood rushing through her body she heard. She believed the latter as in the past, she wouldn't be released from her bonds until at least mid-day, if not later. No one should have come to look for her, not even now as the sun had just begun to rise over the horizons.

She remembered the countless nights she had spent in his arms, her mind and body being loved by a man who was not her husband. When she was with him, she could forget her life and just be in the moment. She felt loved and cherished, things sorely lacking her marriage. A bump from the road brought her back to the present, and she began looking to the future. Her lover was her knight in shining armor and if he was going to hurt her, she felt he would have done so long before this point. When the sun began to set, she realized they weren't heading in the direction of London. They had been heading to the eastern coast. They stopped just before the sun set for the evening. As the door opened, she fell into his arms sobbing, needing to be close to him. He held her close and soothed her with words and soft caresses. He lifted her chin and kissed her lips gently. She looked past his shoulders and gasped at what she saw. A beautiful church on a hillside was before them. Stained glass windows glistened in the dusk light, casting a multicolored glow over the lush grass and trees.

She looked up at her lover, and saw him smiling down at her. He led her up to the church, her arm resting on his as they walked. Her mind was racing, not understanding what was happening. An elderly nun was waiting for them as the approached. She smiled at both and took the girl's hand, leading her inside and off into a small room. Her lover was met by the priest who led him into another small room on the opposite side of the church. In her designated room, a gorgeous green wedding gown was laid out on a small bed. On the desk was a long, pale green veil with yellow and white crystals sowed in. The nun helped her quickly do her hair and then into her dress. It fit like a glove and she realized her love must have had it made for her. The shoes were lightly padded slippers, dyed green to match her gown. A simple matching necklace and earrings pulled her outfit together. She took one look in the mirror at the finished product, not able to stop smiling. The nun motioned that it was time, and led her back into the main church. Waiting at the end of the aisle were the priest and her love. He was wearing a stunning green and black kilt, and a silk black shirt. They had eyes for only each other as the nun escorted her to him.

She barely heard the words the priest spoke, too stunned and happy to care about the details. When he reached the point of vows, she stumbled, looking between the priest and her love realizing that she couldn't marry him. She was already a married women and told the priest such. He informed her that her marriage was never legal before the Church or the state as the Duke, in his haste, had never filed the proper paperwork. She shook her head, not understanding, and then it hit her. Her love must have gotten rid of all the documentation of the marriage. That's why it had taken him so long. He smiled at her, seeing she finally understood. The wedding continued smoothly, and finally the priest announced them husband and wife. They kissed and the world melted away. She was loved and treasured, now married to a good man. He had found a beautiful, intelligent, and loving wife in the woman before him. He had waited his whole life to meet someone like her, and now that she was truly his, he was never letting her go.

Set Me Free

Written Oct. '07

Light is all I look for
and everything that I need
Come save me from this dark
hellish place in which I live

Be my guide through tough times
watch my back
Be a friend and a lover
guard me from all harm

I've been waiting too long
to lose this chance
Finally love and live
help me get there

Help set free this caged bird
that I have become
Light be all I need
to make it paradise

Love Not My Own

This was written back in Feb. 2008


Don't know where I went wrong
I just can't go on anymore
Don't know what to do
I think about you all the time
And all I can do is smile
When you're around

I messed up and I did wrong
Wishing I could take back all the pain
I'm so ashamed
You're out of my life now
Hoping you're okay
That I didn't crush your spirit

I know she makes you happy
I made you happy too
But we both know better
There's no happy ending for us
If she gives you that perfect life
Take it, you deserve one
'Cause I hurt you so bad
I hope she can heal your wounds

I've seen you two together
The perfect couple in a perfect world
I can smile when I see you two
Knowing you're happy
Though it kills me inside

I'm really sorry for everything
Be happy live and love
Take care of each other
And never let go